KG's Hideaway

First, I'm thankful for this... (don't look at the mess on my desk behind me)

My sister finally snapped out of it and brought her over. Oh, I LOVED it! I'm really not thankful at all for the crappy little trim my sister tried to give her hair and I can see she is going to be spending alot of time waxing that poor girl's eyebrows when she's a teen (my sister's are the same way!!!) but I think she's the most perfect 2yr old on the planet!

Now, about Ryan. UTA played Midwestern Wednesday night and beat the crap out of them. Once again Ryan had an ex-teammate (from the Nike team) who plays for MSU and the new head coach of MSU was an associate at UNT so it was good to see her. She approached Ryan and told her that she was SO upset about all that had happened and she's really happy that Ryan is at UTA with Coach Morrow. BUT... if for some reason it didn't work out she'd love to have Ryan at MSU anytime. As a parent, that's such a great thing to hear and it really meant alot to her... and to me.

No, we still haven't heard from the NCAA but we DO know this. Tuesday was the last day that UNT could respond to UTA's waiver request and they didn't. When we filed the waiver request, we had to send it to the NCAA AND to UNT. UNT was supposed to have 10 business days to respond to the request and they HAD to respond in writing to both UTA and the NCAA... they didn't. So, now its entirely in the lap of the NCAA. When all of this first happened I had almost no hope that the waiver would be granted. But now... with all of the documentation AND UNT not responding??? She's got at least a small chance, but I'm trying soooo hard not to get my hopes up. To make it worse, the coach told her that if she gets the waiver it will be a VERY short time before they use her as a starter, it would just be a matter of finding the right combination. How exciting is that???? Gah!!! I can't STAND it!!!

So anyway, I had the whole famn damily over for Turkey day. It went really well and we all had an incredibly relaxing day just hanging out and enjoying eachother. Even my sister... who showed up after she went somewhere else. After she called my mom on Wednesday and said she wasn't calling... she showed up and was actually rather pleasant.

There's alot going on around here but we're all here, reasonable healthy and still having a good time. Can't ask for a whole lot more ('cept maybe a waiver and a little luck for Austin?)

Posted by at 4:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Jesus Christ! I have never in my life seen someone have this many "injuries" in this short amount of time. First, it was the concussion, then two weeks later it was a spider bite that got VERY infected, and now its her knee!!

Ryan called me after practice yesterday to let me know she was on crutches. She'd been running the floor in a fast break and went for the jump stop under the basket (hoping that the defender wouldn't anticipate the pause). When she did that she said she felt immediate pain in her knee and it swelled RIGHT up. Greaaaaaaaat! Just when I was starting to think that she might have a CHANCE of getting that waiver, she goes and gets hurt. Lovely.

She called a little bit ago from the orthopedic surgeon's office. The x-ray looked good but they're sending her for an MRI just to be sure. Keep your fingers crossed!

Posted by at 3:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Before I get into the crap I'm going to write, I just want to jot down a quick note about the UTA vs SMU game last night. We WILL know, barring some other strange event, by Friday the 21st whether or not Ryan gets the NCAA waiver. But, since the preseason games have now started (the last two were just exhibition- so she could sit on the bench in her warm up with the team) she can't even travel to away games with the team. During home games, she can't sit on the bench or even go to the locker room at halftime (not sure about pre and post game stuff). Since last nights game was at SMU we stopped in Arlington to pick her up and take her with us. That way I got to spend a little more time with her because we went to dinner. She was in a great mood (except for being pissed about the jaywalking ticket she'd gotten earlier that day) and we really had a great time.

We arrived at SMU in plenty of time to find the window where the player's families pick up their tickets (all the way around the back side) and get inside. Ryan has two ex-teammates that play for SMU to we spent a few minutes talking to their parents and just really enjoying the evening. We figured we might as well enjoy the pre game stuff because it was not going to be a pretty game at all.

Finally, the band plays the National Anthem. Then, they have the ceremony for the starting lineups. Suddenly, we hear the announcer say, "... and from Crowley, Tx... at 6ft 2 freshman forward... RYAN GREEN!" I damn near fell out of my chair. The coaches looked over at us from the bench completely baffled at her name being called. Plus, depending on what caused it, they could end up with a tech. foul and that's not really how you want to start the game. Anyway, it was just a very strange moment but Ryan was so excited about hearing her name (even though she knew it was a screw up) and it was just really nice to see her just enjoy something silly. She's had so much SERIOUS stuff to deal with over the last three months so this was just a nice reprieve.

But, the surprise of the night was that THIS went on all night!!! Yay!!

So that by the end of the night, this is how it looked! We weren't supposed to win, but that's how it goes!!!

Now, here's the shit I was going to write about to start with... more crap with my sister.
I have called her no less than 5 times since the "argument" almost two weeks ago. She won't answer when I call so I just leave messages. In one of the messages I said that this fight was stupid and we just needed to move forward. Craig warned me as soon as I said it that she'd come back and say that I said SHE was stupid. (I don't like to say Craig was right, but... yeah). In other messages I've just said that I really want us to put this behind us. If we need to talk about it I'm ALL for that. If we just need to forget about it, that's ok, too. I've also left messages asking to come get the baby, saying I'd keep her overnight if she wanted... whatever. I just wanted to see her. She didn't return those calls at all, but finally called Monday night to see if Kyra could come over and help her on Tuesday. WTF? I didn't argue but just told her that Kyra had basketball on Tuesday so she hung up.

The more I thought about it, the more frustrated I got. So I called and left ANOTHER message just saying, "Rusti can we please just get past this? We both messed up... no, I take that back. I don't want to get into finger pointing. It doesn't matter whether you did anything "wrong" or not. I chose to act like an idiot that day and I'm not proud of it so that takes you out of the equation totally." Nothing... not return calls.

Then, Tuesday my mom and I were talking on the phone and she told me that my sister had called and asked her if she wanted our grandfather's dresser. It seems that she needs to get rid of that one (and another) because the baby's great aunt (on her dad's side) bought all new bedroom furniture for her. Mom said she didn't want it and told my sister to call my aunt. I reminded Mom that I REALLY wanted that dresser (its amazing) and was so disappointed when she took that after my grandmother died. So my mom called and her told her I wanted it. Guess what... she doesn't want to give it to me. She said she'd already called and left a message at my aunt's house to see if any of them wanted it (but they hadn't called her back... in fact, she'd only LEFT A MSG) so she wouldn't let me have it. I even offered to go get it right that minute. No dice. My mother told her that she had better not give it to anyone else, but my sister just said, "We'll see." Yeah, we will.

Then yesterday my mother called me again and said that my sister was now also getting rid of the dresser that she'd had since she was a baby. It a beautiful dresser that had belonged to my uncle (my sister's his namesake) before he died and my mother refinished if when she was a baby. So my mom told her that she would come get that one because it meant alot to her. Fine. I told mom that if she didn't want it I'd take it since I'm re-doing Ryan's room as a "guest room" since she's got an apartment. She thought that was a great idea and said she was going to pick it up in a few minutes. Again, yeah... whatever.

A little later my mom called me to tell me what had transpired while at my sister's. It appears NOW that my sister doesn't want to give me the dresser because she wants it back when she has room for it. Ummm, does that mean she plans on really being able to get it back from whomever she's given it to? Of course, not. This is just her way of avoiding me getting the dresser. To top it off she told my mom that I'd left "shitty" messages for her on her answering machine. My mom (thankfully) said that I'd told her what messages I'd left and they didn't sound shitty then, so if I had lied to her then she wanted to hear them. Rusti then admitted that she had only listened to the first message and then none of the others because in that first message I called her stupid. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????

To make matters worse... Thanksgiving is at my house this year. My mom told Rusti today which dishes she wanted her to make. Rusti said that she didn't know if she'd come for Thanksgiving because there'd just "be another fight." My mother (and this pisses me off) said, "Well, there can't be a fight if you don't join it" which to me sounds like I could very well try to aggrivate her. So I told my mom that if she's just going to show up and be decent to everyone but crappy to me (or totally ignoring a single word I say to her like she did for almost 8 years- talk about ridiculous! and this was at family functions!) then she really wasn't welcome in my house. I'll be damned if I'm going to spend another holiday in my LIFE like that. But for my mom to lend any credence to Rusti's "concerns" really pisses me off. All she had to do was point out that they had just discussed the many messages I'd left her trying to make this all stop, but instead she tried to pacify her by staying very middle of the road- and just a couple of weeks ago it was my MOTHER telling me that we should ALL stand up when she is being unreasonable but at the time that was directed at my mom, not me. When its directed at me, the plan changes... as always (do you know how pathetic it is to be 42 years old and realize that I'm writing that statement? It's so "Mom, you're taking HER side" kind of bullshit but its true and even my dad tells her she does it but she doesn't think so. Anyway)

I told my mom that its total bullshit. I'm tired of saying nothing when everyone clearly says whatever they have to when dealing with her so that she will shut the hell up. Everyone tries to pacify her so that she doesn't start bitching because it is endless. Everyone agrees that they give in because you can't win an argument with her. I'm tired of that, because everytime we give in she gets exactly what she wants and has no incentive to act differently. And she either KNOWS this or really thinks she's just that much smarter than EVERYone.

I'm not saying that people don't try and pacify me at times, too. I know they've done that. But anytime my sister disagrees with you she will fight you to the death about it because she seems to feel that being "wrong" equates with stupidity and she has a really complex about that. She is VERY dyslexic and has a huge problem with comprehension when reading. You should try to decipher some of the emails she sent... its mind boggling.

So this is my attempt at venting frustration. Arguing with her that day and letting her know that I wasn't going to eat anymore shit really just totally backfired on me because it appears that I'm willing to eat endless amounts of it in order to have a relationship with my niece.

So, not only am I eating shit these days, its getting me nowhere and that just makes me even more frustrated and angry. And the worst part of it is that my feelings are hurt and I hate that feeling more than anything. Yay, the holidays are here!

Posted by at 8:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I guess I should have read that email (below) closer. I just thought it said 10, but no... it's 10 business days. Shit.

Ryan is just really thinking this is going to go in her favor, but I don't. Still, if it DOES go in her favor she REALLY wants to be eligible for the TCU game and that's on the 20. 10 Business days means the last day is on the 21st. I'll be surprised if they do anything but wait until the last minute. Bastards.

I took my dad for his colonoscopy today and had to get up at 5am to do it. I was back home by about 9:20 and ended up going back to sleep until almost 4:30!!! Good thing I put the pork loin in the crock pot or we'd have SOL for dinner. (That damn thing was GOOD, too!)

Since I slept all day I am wide a-freakin-wake so I'm not even going to lay down. I'd end up keeping Craig awake and that wouldn't be good. He's been exhausted lately and really needs the extra sleep.

So, there... that's it. Nothing else. I'm done.

Posted by at 3:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Finally, FINALLY some word from the NCAA. This is the email we were waiting on last week... but they just got today. But at least we know the answer is coming. Here's the email...

From: Rxxxxxx, Ab***** [mailto:@#$%!$@#@ncaa.org]
Sent: Monday, November 10, 2008 8:14 AM
To: Garcia, Deborah R
Subject: SLR Waiver questions for Ryan Green

In addition to sending me a copy of the requested materials, please send an email notification when you have submitted the all of the waiver materials to North Texas and the means of delivery (e.g. fax, regular mail, fed ex).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I guess we are going to know something in 10 days. I was really hoping they'll make a decision by Friday, when UTA plays SMU. We shall see!!!!

Posted by at 3:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I've been up since the ass crack of dawn and I'm really not happy about it. It's not even freakin' light outside yet... and I've been up for an hour and a half!!! My allergies are insane right now so I didn't sleep well, plus today is Craig's birthday and I wanted to be up early enough to give him his present before he left for golf. Craig has mostly worn R@yban sunglasses but the last pair we bought him were Nike and they were great... except that the bottom of the frames was directly in the line of sight of the ball when he played golf, so he'd always have to lift them to hit. He really wanted a pair of Maaui Jims, but he'd NEVER spend that kind of money on himself for sunglasses. Since it was his birthday I decided I didn't have a problem spending the money at all. If he didn't like it he could take them back. Still, spending that much on sunglasses was a little nerve racking, but seeing his face when he got them this morning made it all ok.

Don't get me wrong... I didn't mind spending it... I just worried that HE'D mind spending it. But they looked great on him and he says they're exactly what he wanted. Whatever. LOL

This is the pic for the new media guide at UTA. Can you guess which one my daughter is... and even funnier, can you guess what they call her? LOL

Ok, wait... I have to admit that the full size pic doesn't make her look QUITE that pale! Sheesh!

So I talked to Ryan's coach yesterday to find out if they'd heard ANYthing from the NCAA since they have a game today. Nope, they hadn't heard anything but it appears that there might actually be a good reason. Last Tuesday's game and today's are both exhibitions, and the NCAA doesn't consider those when they are going into mandatory decision time (The NCAA will push your case to the front if there needs to be an answer to a waiver~or other requests~ and the game is less than 48hrs away) SO, if THIS turns out to be true, I guess Ryan will have her answer before the 14th... so this coming Friday.

She's really upset about missing today's game because of her old school teammate. Plus, I found out that a player from her first AAU team (started in 7th grade) is also playing there so she just really wanted to play. To top that off, her coach says that Ryan has had exceptional practices all week. She's been very aggressive, her shots are all falling and she's hit that groove again. (This happens each year. I guess its when all of the footwork, working on shot form, defensive work and all the other crap that they've been working on day after day ALL falls in line. Its so fun to see that happen each year because its like this major energy surge or something... like when your car hits that one gear that you love??? Its just all the pieces of the puzzle putting themselves together. LOVE IT)

She seemed to be handling it better last night than she was on Tuesday but I won't really know until we get out there. The game is at three but I think we might miss the very end of it because we're taking one of Craig's clients and his wife to Reatta for dinner. Its good food, but now it means getting really dressed up to go to the game. Oh well, I get to eat and not have to cook it so I won't complain... until later!

So that's pretty much the plan for the day. I've got to get dressed and run to Target, then come home and bake Ryan some brownies and cookies to share with her team. Then, hopefully I'll be able to take a nap before I have to get ready for the day. Just in case I don't get that nap, please feel free to take one for me. I really need it!!

Oh yeah, one last thing. I sent my sister and email just saying that I'd really like to try and move past what happened last weekend, and I want to make sure we don't do that again. To me, that means finding a different way to deal with problems when they arise because whatever each of us did last weekend obviously didn't work. I got absolutely no response from her. At all.

I was talking to my mom last night and I told her that I'm really ashamed of myself and how I acted. I can sit here all day and give you the reasons I had for what I did, but nothing justifies acting that way. I should have walked away when it started and just came back home. I don't agree with how she treats people but she obviously DOESN'T have a problem with it so I need to find a way to avoid that in the future. My mother said that my sister just isn't normal so trying to rationalize anything with her is futile. My sister was bitching to my mom (to be fair to her, she did just like I did) about the whole thing and brought up that she was furious at my mom on Saturday. My mom said, "Yeah... what the hell was that all about?" I still can't believe what my sister said in answer to that...

"I'm not going into that right now. I'm only going to talk about what happened with Kristi."
She really does need some help... and it comes in pill form and hopefully includes hours and hours of counseling. Either that, or I need a lobotomy.

Posted by at 6:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Tuesday was the first game for UTA. It was an exhibition game with a semi-pro team, and UTA won BIG... 94-60! Ryan didn't play because we still haven't heard from the NCAA, so she had to sit on the bench and watch and was it ever brutal! She really sort of pouted all game and that kind of pissed me off, but I'm trying to be understanding about it. I can only imagine how miserable that's got to feel. I tried reminding her that we've known that she most likely will have to red-shirt this season, but she said (and it makes total sense) that no matter how much she prepared for it in her head she just wasn't prepared for how much it hurt to work so hard and still have to sit and watch. She was bawling, not crying... BAWLING about an hour and a half before the game when I talked to her, but after I got there she just looked bitchy... no crying.

Since I can't take any pics of her playing I'll take a shitload of her just standing there. At least with this game and again on Saturday she can be with them on the bench... after that its in the stands or not in the gym at all. So, here she is in the team huddle... with a BOW IN HER HAIR!!! She cracks me up... she wears bows like that all the time, but I've never seen in for a game!

The next picture is of Veronica. This picture would have been hysterical if it was Ryan, because this is totally her M.O. I was taking pictures while they were in their first timeout of the game. I expected that Ryan would notice I was taking pictures and smile-because she ALWAYS does that if there is a camera (or a mirror) around her. Well, she didn't look up but V did, and she immediately looked back into the huddle... until it dawned on her that I was taking pictures... at which time she smiled and looked directly at the camera. Too funny. I didn't realize that I had actually gotten the pic until I got home and was dumping my memory card. I damn near fell off the chair laughing! She's just so cute.

This is as close to a smile on Ryan's face as I'd seen all night. Glad that at least V smiled!

So I've spoken to my sister once this week but she was having to be nice because she wanted Kyra to come over and help. I was talking to a friend of mine today (who used to be friends with my sister as well) who told me that she'd talked to Rusti the day before and she was telling my friend how bad I talk about her. So I asked my sister (in an email response to an email she sent me) IF she did it, and if she did WHY. She responded that she did tell Angie that and she did it because she was mad that I got into HER business when we were fighting and I brought up that she'd tried to pick a fight with mom the day before. Her reasoning was that its none of my business even if I know about it because Mom confided in me. I had to remind her that I knew about it because I HAD TO FUCKING LISTEN TO HER PICKING A FIGHT WITH MY MOTHER THE ENTIRE DAY on Saturday. Anyway, I asked her in that same email if I could take the baby with us on Saturday to Ryan's game. We'll see how she's going to handle it when she answers the email. There actually COULD be a good reason for her saying no (if she does). I know that the baby's dad is coming into town to see her at some point this weekend, I just don't know when. So, I'll probably play it by ear... and still try to keep the peace. Even though shit doesn't taste good I still seem to be willing to eat some. Ughhh

So while Jamie appears to have found a way to dump the person who causes drama in her life, I've found a way to accept more. Can you divorce your sister?

Posted by at 12:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Today is special and I'm proud to say that I had some part in it. Maybe my vote didn't make a difference, and maybe my $50 donation didn't make a difference. But I believe that my new president WILL make a difference. And that is exciting.

I had a couple of things I was going to blog about, but on a day like today I just want to celebrate that.

Posted by at 10:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Ryan went to the doctor this morning. Definite infection in the leg. Great. But she could practice today... so that means she'd get to play in the game tomorrow, right?

Wrong. The assistant coach was wrong about being eligible to play in exhibition games. So, unless the NCAA waiver comes through tomorrow, she can't play.

The only good news we heard is that the NCAA told them the decision was coming.

Ryan sounded totally defeated when I talked to her on the phone a few minutes ago. Maybe something good will happen next week. She could sure use it.

Posted by at 7:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Thank God this damn weekend is nearly over. By about 1pm today I didn't really think it could get much worse, short of a death, but oh how I must love to be proven wrong.

I'll jump to the end of today first, then if you want to continue reading the drama, well... go for it.
So after posting about how excited we are about Tuesday and Saturday basketball games this week (especially if they are the only two she'll get to play this year) we got face planted in the mud. I was at my mom's packing up the leftover garage sale stuff and Ryan calls me. I answered the phone to hear her sobbing on the other end. Oh shit... two weeks ago it was a concussion, what is it this time? She said, "Mom, as if this whole NCAA thing isn't bad enough... it just got worse! I'm thinking how could it get worse... on a SUNDAY? She reminded me about this bump on her leg she told me about on Friday... might be a spider bite. The trainer wouldn't let her practice today because her right leg is REALLY swollen and red with a hard spot on the inside of her calf that is so painful the trainer could barely touch it. Yes, it looks like a bad spider bite... and they think its infected. With staph.

Holy hell... no way. I just wanted to cry with her so I put my mom on the phone to calm her down since I'd only make it worse by joining in the pity party. We left and went to UTA to catch the end of their practice and talk to the trainer. Here's the lo down: The trainer called the team doc who will see her in the morning but put her on a full "staph regimen" of sulfa and doxicycline. He'll see her in the morning to do a culture and though they won't know for about 48 hours whether or not it is staph, they can allow her to play (if elligible) and practice once they ABX have been in her system for 24 hours. So she can play if the pain in her leg will allow it. She said this looks exactly like one of the baseball players from last year who had a spider bite and ended up with staph.

THEN... we found out that the coach is checking with the NCAA tomorrow about the eligibility for the exhibition games because she doesn't think Ryan will be able to play but one of the assistants said exhibitions are ok. (She did tell me that NCAA contacted them on Friday with two more questions about the whole Ryan/UNT situation so at least they are asking instead of just making a decision without the whole story. It'll make me feel slightly better about them saying no.) So yeah, there's all that. ::::sigh::::

And now... for the drama of the week and its not worth watching, except the entertainment value of two people act like idiots. If I didn't go through it myself, I'd swear someone was lying if they told me all this.

So, we had the garage sale and it wasn't so bad. I won't ever have another one in my life but I'm enjoying the cash... or, I would be if I wasn't so pissed off and a whole host of other emotions. My previous post detailed my sister's bitchiness to my mother all day yesterday that culminated (after I left, thankfully) in my mother telling my sister to GO HOME. Then, my sister called her and bitched some more about how much help she needs and how hard it is to be a single mom. This is a regular complaint from her and my standard come back to that is, "Well, you chose to have a kid and you certainly knew you were single at the time... you just make do." This really pisses her off because I think she thinks I'm insinuating that she should have aborted her or something (who knows what the hell she thinks?) which is totally ludicrous to anyone who knows me. I ADORE that child and gladly spend a small fortune on crap for her and she is over here almost every weekend, plus an evening or two a week. And I am not complaining, I love it!

So last night she went home and mom just decided to let it go. Fine, I was just glad she hadn't targeted me, frankly. Well, today is a new day and she found a new target. It started bright and early with the same bullshit as yesterday. Only today, instead of only dealing with her own things and not dealing with anyone else's stuff at all... she totally sat on her ass and her daughter was allowed to act horribly, tear other people's things up and just generally be a brat. (This kid NEVER acts like this but she wanted her mother's attention and not only was she just sitting there, she wouldn't do anything for her daughter.) This was just in the first hour. It gets exponentially worse. Quick.

At some point my niece decided to put a doll in the swing and entertain herself so my mother and I were sitting on the porch yacking. No cusomters were around (its a Sunday, we didn't expect much, if any) so we started laughing about stuff and I brought up an old story that we were laughing about and how that person was such a bitch. My sister turned to me and said, (I shit you not, this is exactly what she said) "Watch your mouth!" Whoa... hold the fuck up...

Let me explain that my sister is as bad, if not worse, than me when it comes to foul language. When I care enough, I don't cuss. Mostly, I don't care enough but believe it or not there ARE times I refrain. She will cuss in front of her child but will "discipline" any adult who says things she doesn't approve of. I'm fully in support of her making whatever choices she wants to about her daughter and what she's exposed to. But if you don't like what she's exposed to, you take HER out of it, not correct adults (this also included a neighbor that was there).

So, the first time I just looked at her like she was crazy. But, I've got a rebel streak and I was driven to make sure another one slipped out a sentence or two later. She said it again and I just looked at her and said, "I am 40-fuckin-2 years old and I will say whatever the fuck I feel like saying at any fucking time. If you don't like it, don't listen." So, in about the next hour she'd said it at least another 6 times and I finally told her to just shut the fuck up. I don't know another adult who talks to people the way she does and based on the fact that mom didn't bite when she was trying to pick a fight on Saturday I should have KNOWN she'd be gunning for a fight today.

You'll never guess what she did. I still can't believe it. She threw fucking Cheetos in my face! My mother is still marveling at my restraint because I was ready to let her buy her god damn teeth back from the dentist, and trust me... I can do it. I leaned forward in my chair and told her, "You go ahead and throw another thing at me and I swear to GOD there will be some furniture moving around there." She started screaming at me, calling me a bitch (yeah, like THAT's going to bother me. Dumbass, I've worked 42 years to attain this level of bitchiness and I wear it like a badge of honor!) and blathering on and on about everything.

I turned around and just threw it ought there... I said, "You're fucking psychotic and you need medication, not to mention intensive therapy. Mom and I have sat here and done all your shit, watched YOUR kid, while you did nothing to help. We all helped you pack, move, unpack, get ready for the garage sale, DO the garage sale and you still complain that you need help. How much fucking help can you NEED? Yes, I understand you have a baby and I understand that you're doing it alone, but let me clue you in. Yes, I was married but my (now) ex-husband played softball 5 nights a week and the other two he was out partying with his friends while I was at home with TWO kids who were both younger than your ONE. You just deal with it and do what you have to do like every other person is this fucking world. But not you... you always want more, its NEVER enough. My husband came over to help you move three weeks ago and you told him and the two other guys that they needed to get busy but you were taking a ten minute break. What the fuck is wrong with you that you think its ok to treat people this way? You have your daughter's great aunt (her dad's aunt) buying her more clothes than she can wear in a month, even if she wore two outfits a day and NEVER wore them again. And these aren't cheap clothes!!! She buys you computers, NEW FURNITURE, gives you money, bought you two pair of $90 dress boots last weekend... but you take, take and keep taking. NEVER do you give back. Everybody owes you something because your life is so goddamn hard. You've run off everyone in your life because you treat people like shit, you don't have anything to do with most people unless there is something for you to gain from it. GET OVER IT!"

Well, she lost it at that point and decided that she wanted to make what she thought was a shitty comment about me wearing the pants in this family. Seriously, this is the point I wanted to scream "You're more of an idiot than I ever dreamed!" I guess she doesn't stop and think about the fact that Craig is not interested in whom people believe "run this family" because WE are a team and WE know what goes on here. (he is just wildly tolerant of things regarding me) And this person that she obviously has no respect for has spent a small fucking fortune HELPING HER OUT. Not so she'd say thank you, not because we had to, but because we WANTED to. I don't need her to show me her gratitude, but maybe giving me a shit pass would be nice every once in a while!

This is where I didn't just jump into the pool. I took a plunge off the high dive and did a massive canon ball to signify my re-entry into the sibling fight club. I still can't believe I bit... but bite I did.

So I just said, "Fuck off Rusti. I have tried for three god damn years to make a better relationship with you (we didn't talk for years... but she called me when she was 5 months pregnant and I was willing to do whatever it took to get along with her because I wanted to know my niece) but I have done nothing but eat shit from you day after day and I am not gonna do it anymore. I have discovered that shit is NOT particularly tasty and has no real dietary value. Keep your shit to yourself." (Somewhere in one of our rants my niece started crying so my mom took her to the front yard. Rusti was so worried about her hearing cussing but wasn't at all concerned with her SEEING a fight in the making.)

Rusti was still screaming all kinds of shit, but I'd said what I needed to say so I went out front with my mom. She was seething and was really trying to just not make me any angrier so that maybe it would all just stop because I really don't get mad all that easy anymore, but if you light that fire I promise you it will burn WHITE hot and then I can't stop it until its all out. I hate it when I either get pushed into being that mad or just make the jump myself... it doesn't really matter why. So my mom was pissed at my sister for the obvious hunt for a fight until she made sure she got one, but she wasn't real happy with my reaction to it either.

I was so pissed, but maybe not for the reasons you'd think. I was pissed about the shit she said regarding Craig. Truthfully, he can't stand her and hasn't been able to since the DAY HE MET HER and she went off about me to him and how miserable I'd make him. (Now, she might have been right... but who would say that???) But he has respected my need to have a relationship with her and he loves that baby... and she loves him.

She reacts to seeing him unlike her reactions to anyone else. She runs to him and wraps her arms around his neck... its so sweet!! But that crap is what pissed me off and I was pissed at myself for first allowing myself to react to her goading me, and to react THAT much only made it worse. Craig warned me this morning before I even went over there that I should expect it and just needed to keep "considering the source" and walk away because at the end of the day it doesn't really matter. I understood it, I thought I'd prepared myself adequately. I've walked away from so many with her lately and while I'm not totally innocent in all of them, for the most part I just get off the phone, or walk away... whatever it takes. I was a miserable failure today and I chose to make it worse.

I don't have a real high opinion of my sister. If you knew her, you'd understand. So why the hell did I let myself react like that and then take off? Jesus. I told my mom that its just not worth it anymore. This has been coming on for a couple of months. She has done and said things that I wish I could post on here but its so ridiculous and outrageous what she accuses people of that its really just crazy. She borrows almost $900/mo from my parents to pay her bills EACH month but she actually halfway accused my mom of keeping garage sale money from her last night! CRRRRAAAAAZZZZYYYYY.

So now I have to decide if I am willing to try and just move past it and if so, I need to find a way to ensure that I don't bite when she baits me... and if I do, don't ever let it get that out of control again. I don't want to give anyone that power over me. And then there's this... I'm sitting here feeling like T-total-shit because I know I said things that hurt her. And in spite of how crazy she makes me, that still makes me feel like shit. Ugh. Introspection really sucks.

Lovely. Happy November!

But even more important... for this face, I think I'd eat shit for eternity.

Posted by at 6:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Guess what we found out yesterday??? No, not word from the NCAA but... almost as good. Ryan found out that regardless of her "red-shirt" status, she is allowed to play in the exhibition games on Tuesday and Saturday!!! YAYYYYY!!!! I'm going to get to see my daughter play in her very first college game ever in just two days and I can't STAND it!!! Poor Craig... he's going to be in No. California for two days so he'll miss Tuesday's game, but you can bet he'll be there with bells on cheering the loudest on Saturday!!!

The other really cool thing about Saturday's game is that Ryan will be playing against an old highschool teammate. She was a senior when Ryan was a freshman (the only one on varsity... so she was forced to bond with the upperclassmen) and is playing at another local university. Her Dad was also Ryan's first AAU coach, so we really owe alot to that family and it will be fun to see them go at it on the court. "D" is a shooting guard, while Ryan played forward or center in high school, so they never had to go face to face. But Coach Morrow has Ryan moving out to play the 3 (shooting guard) because of her size and speed, even though Ryan is the height of most of the fowards/centers in this conference.

So while we're still waiting for the NCAA's decision I'm still 99% sure she won't get the waiver. She's thinking positively but also being realistic. Plus, PoliSci is kicking her ass right now so it'd be good to get through that class with a good grade.

On the homefront:::: All I can say to start this paragraph is, "What the fuck was I thinking?" It all started with my sister moving over by me. We were shocked at how much SHIT (and I do mean SHIT) she has and why in the world she refuses to get rid of any of it. Well, we finally convinced her to get rid of some of it but she wanted to do it by way of garage sale. I'm allergic to garage sales. Don't get me wrong, they are perfect for some people... just not me. But my mom and dad (who live about 4 blocks from me) said they'd let her have it over there so we all started going through our houses to see what crap we didn't need. I found quite a bit. So did my mom... so we busted our ass yesterday morning to get everything going on time, though most of it had been done in the day or two preceeding. Anyway, my sister was a total bitch to my mom all day yesterday... making crappy comments over and over and I really couldn't figure out why (and I also was just happy it wasn't aimed at me!!!). So finally I asked my sister what her freakin' problem was. You won't believe what she said. She was pissed that we didn't get all of her stuff set out FOR HER because (as she said) "I really needed to get it all out there because I need the money."

Can you believe that? We each set out all of our own stuff, priced it and whatnot (shit I hate to do because it's an awful lot of work for spare change... but I surprised myself and MADE BANK yesterday and we're finishing up this morning!) ANyway, we got all of OUR stuff out there and then just kept unloading box after box of hers and then it still wasn't enough. Plus, I was the one watching her daughter, taking money, all that crap... she was just busy trying to sell her really nice baby clothes. And she wasn't happy that I kept some of the really nice outfits I'd bought her and left here. I guess she wanted the money for those, too. Several of those outfits cost me $40 or more and none of them has been worn more than twice!!! At that point, I was so disgusted I'd rather send the clothes to Craig's ex-wife (who has an almost 2 yr old daughter). I just don't understand what motivates her to act that way. Its like her system is short circuited or something. She needs to be medicated... or I do when I'm around her!

I'm so ready for this day to already be over. I'm wanting Tuesday to be TODAY!!!!!

Posted by at 6:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)