KG's Hideaway

Naw, not really. I mean, it's cold but its not horrible weather for the most part. I put the flannel sheets on the bed last night and it was so nice to crawl between them and snuggle up with Craig. Although, with all the weight he's lost there is significantly less of him to snuggle up with.

The weather caused the NE Lions Club to postpone the start of the tournament until tomorrow so she plays at 11am. This is usually a pretty good tournament every year so the competition ought to be good. Ryan says she a little bit nervous that a few of the universities are coming to watch her play. She doesn't stop and think about the fact that she's been playing in front of college coaches for four years in the summer, it's just that she's never had them come to watch JUST HER. She needs to just use that nervous energy to her advantage. The thing she needs to show most is aggression. The coaches feel like they can teach you how to do things, but they can't teach things like sportsmanship, teamwork and playing with aggression. Very important things for tomorrow.

So I'm waiting on Craig to get home so I can snuggle up with him again tonight. I want to end my day the same way it started this morning... In his arms.

Posted by at 5:22 PM | Permalink

Austin and Ryan have been fighting like crazy and I'm ready to rip my hair out. I swear to God, I'd rather have someone stick toothpicks in my eyeballs than to have to listen to their crap. They sound like a couple of 10 year olds. They need a Dr. Ph!l intervention!

The cold weather finally got here. It was so strange though. Around 6pm I had to pick up Ryan from practice. The school is less than a mile from my house and the thermometer thingy on my truck said 74 when I pulled out of my driveway. 2 minutes later, when I got to the high school the temp was 52. Yay!! Then, not too long ago, a car slid off the road one house down from us. Luckily, the kid wasn't hurt.

We've been thrown a little bit by the sudden interest SMU has in Ryan. She brought home 4 letters today that SMU mailed to the school instead of our house and the coaches are saying that not only is SMU calling them about her, they (along with three other schools who are recuiting her) will be at the tournament starting tomorrow. She better play well.

My feelings regarding Kyra are sliding into a gray area. I'm not angry with her. I'm angry that I don't know what to do to help her. She needs help. We had her in counseling but, for reasons I won't go into, the counselor decided it was time to end it. Kyra just wasn't ready to work on things. She needs to get back into a relationship with her mom but I just don't know how to make that happen and it's frustrating the hell out of me. I have a need to "fix" things and I can't fix this. It's driving me crazy.

Posted by at 10:07 PM | Permalink

Ryan started talking to UNT last night. She likes the idea that they MIGHT let her play basketball and run track whereas the other schools are going to want her to pick a sport. I'd really hate to see her commit this early. She says she won't but the temptation is there because this whole college thing is getting pretty overwhelming.

We've pretty much picked 5-6 schools of the 15 big ones that are seriously trying to recruit her and that she likes (Kansas State, Oregon State, Colorado, Arkansas and UNT). UNT is definitely the smallest because the others are in the Big 12, SEC or the ACC. But these are just the ones trying to get her for b-ball. We haven't even looked at the ones trying to get her for track because, for the most part, we're not looking at that option. She's good at track... very good, but I don't know that it's enough. This year will give us a better view. She took 4th in state as a sophomore. I don't know that she'll even get there again because we've moved into a new district. There's just no way to gauge the district at this point.

She gets an automatic bid into Texas Relays this year because her jump of 5'8 was in the top 10 in the state. Even if that wouldn't have garnered it, winning district, regionals and 4th in state does. I'm really excited about Texas Relays because the colleges are there at the same time, doing their events right along side the high-schoolers so I get to watch DeMarcus and Ryan at the same event!! YAY!!!

I got sidetracked. We're finally starting to call the schools that are recruiting her (they can't start calling her until Sept 1 of her senior year) because every stinking one of their letters say "call me." So this lets them know we're interested in them, too. We'll see. I am just SO ready for this to be settled!

Posted by at 7:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Things just aren't going my way lately. That's not literally what I mean, I'm just feeling... down. Just a real prevelance of sadness I guess. I'm finding it hard to say what I mean as usual. It's like there are so many words crashing around inside my head- just phrases- that I want to string together to come up with a coherent conversation but it just doesn't happen because they all collide or compete to be used first and my ADD kicks in so I lose my place. God, I hate this time of year. I really just don't like it at all. I wish I could sleep until January, then I'd truly be happy. Honest to God happiness. It doesn't come cheap. Until then, I have this.

Posted by at 2:12 PM | Permalink

So I'm basically awake before the ass crack of dawn for no reason and there's nothing in this house to do. My house is clean... every room (except Austin's. That's a given). I COULD do laundry but my dryer broke on Wednesday and the repairman won't be here until sometime between 8-9am today.

I've got that niggling feeling again that something's wrong. Maybe it's that I'm forgetting something... I don't know. I just feel like whatever it is, it's just out of my view. I hate feeling this way. But this time of year always brings it out in me. During the fall I feel this way more often than not but I have to be careful not to write it off (like I used to do) because then I really will forget something. I wonder what happened in my past that caused me to feel this way... nothing really stands out, though.

I'm thinking about getting Craig satellite radio for Christmas. As much as we travel it would definitely come in handy and besides that, he'd use the hell out of it. We all enjoy sports but he enjoys sports radio (yuck!!). From what I gather, that's the shit. I'm really struggling with gift ideas for the kids. They're all at ages that seem really hard to buy for. I'm totally clueless. Seriously.

I'm still loving the video in my previous post. I keep coming back and watching it even though I've had it on my computer for about 6 months I just figured out how (DUH) to get stuff off of You T be (sad, I know) so I figured I'd stick it on here. I really need to step up the computer skills. Nah, why bother?
Gotta go. Do. Nothing.

Posted by at 7:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This is why I love dogs. There is no other love like it on the planet.
Turn on your sound. It really does make a difference!

I don't remember now who it was but someone told me not too long ago that they couldn't get a dog because they had a cat... an OUTSIDE cat. WHAT? You gotta be kidding me! First off, if you want a dog, get a god damn dog. Second off, what does an outside cat have to do with getting a dog? Plus, a dog just makes life better altogether, ya know? I look forward to pulling into my driveway because when I'm gone and let my dogs stay in the backyard and seeing how excited they get when they see my truck coming down the street just makes me happy to come home... even when the kids have pissed me off, or if I've got a headache, or I'm tired. I can be in the best of moods or the worst and they just make me smile! Even waking up in the morning after they've hogged the bed all night, like last night (JADE!!!!!!) and I've had to hear one of them snoring away all night (JADE!!!!!!!!) and it still doesn't matter. I just wanna snuggle up and love on 'em.

I'll have to take pictures of my neice's face when she's sees them. She gets so excited watching them and they are SO careful around her. My sister worried at first because my dogs are sort of big. Not huge, but a little bit big (Woody is about 85lbs and Jade's big ass weighs about 75lbs) and her dog is one of those tiny little yippy dogs (Yorkie). So she was convinced my dogs would trample her. But labs are very aware of what is around them and they are SO careful around her. I have a crib here for her because I worried about how the dogs would be but when I lay her on the bed the dogs will lay protectively on either side of her but not too close to agitate her. I can't describe it right, but I know my dogs and how they act. They're good.

I can tell Woody to get off my tile when I'm in the kitchen cooking and he'll go and sit at the edge of the carpet where it meets the ceramic tile until I tell him he can come in. He has always been able to sit, shake and lay so that's nothing and Jade picked it up after we got her because she'll do whatever he does.

Go out and get a dog. It'll do you good.

Posted by at 7:31 PM | Permalink

I don't know what to do about Kyra. She's back in one of her funky moods and it's going to piss me off. She has sat around and hasn't spoken a word to anyone without HAVING to in days. She goes through this every so often and it drives me nuts. I don't get it. I really don't. I mean, I DO get it when things are tense around here or I'm in a shitty mood and getting on to the kids all the time but I've been in a great mood and she's been completely off my shit list for months. Hell, everyone has been for the most part... except for Austin.

She sat at the table on Thanksgiving and didn't say a SINGLE word, and I'm not exaggerating one bit. She has done it all weekend. She's done it to her mom for years, but some of that I understand. I don't understand why she doesn't try to move past it but I get the underlying issues, but COME ON. She has chosen not to have a relationship with her mom. AT. ALL. Not one word. Her mother is about to have a baby and she's going to miss out on it and not know her little sister.

I don't discipline her at all anymore because it just makes no sense to me. I let Craig do it all. He's so fucking rational and calm! I used to wish I could be that way but he holds it in and it bothers him for a long time whereas I get pissed off and my anger is WHITE hot. It spews out of me like lava and then its gone and I'm over it. It doesn't linger. So while mine may LOOK like the worse choice, in the long run I think it's healthier.

Anyway, we're headed ro Ryan's game in Keller today. I hope she plays well. She's finally feeling better, as am I. Hopefully, this time it holds.

Posted by at 11:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Things are really on track and I'm happier than I've been in a long time. I thought the 7th year of marriage was supposed to be one of the hardest. I was so sick this past year that I was just miserable and Craig tried so hard to make me happy but the truth was that I was so unhappy with myself, not with him so no matter how hard he tried it wasn't going to help. I had to find a way to get healthier and that has taken me right back to that intense happiness I found with Craig. He is an amazing man and is truly a gift... I don't know what I'd do without him in my life.

We finally got to spend a day really enjoying time together and we SO needed that. It's been a long time and it wasn't what we were doing it's just that we were together.

Last night we got the pictures rounded up that we wanted hung in the living room and as we laid them on the livingroom floor trying to find the pattern that worked he then started hanging them and for some odd reason I started cleaning. One thing led to another and before either of us knew it we were cleaning and organizing everything in the living roomg and kitchen.

Then this morning we got up and went to his office. I used his BAD ASS scanner to scan some really old photos of my mom's side of the family (my mother's grandparents and great grandparents- that's how old) while he organized his office. Then we came home and started doing the same thing in the bedroom. I know it sounds strange to say I enjoyed spending time like this but this used to be something we really enjoyed and we have been so busy between sports, traveling and me being sick that we've just let things go. I used to be a clean freak and I really want to get back on top of things. To be honest I'm pretty close right now.

Basically, things are really good around here right now and I don't think I could ask for more. Life is pretty freakin' good!!

Posted by at 9:46 PM | Permalink

This sucks. I don't like it at all! I don't know how, after all these weeks, I'm not just STILL sick but feeling worse! OMG this is driving me nuts. The doctor said this year's strain of the flu is awful and would hang around for weeks but I'm now going on 5 weeks with whatever this is and just when I think I'm getting better I start sliding backwards. Shit, this sucks. Ryan and Kyra are just as miserable. The worst part of it isn't the runny nose or sore throat that has been there now for four weeks... it's the ear drums that feel like they are going to burst. God, it feels like a stick of dynamite has gone off behind them.

Top all of this off with the fact that my lungs are still horribly congested and I just can't breathe. It causes nasty panic attacks. I have medicine for it, but it isn't working because it's pretty much negated by the medicine they've given me for asthma. I've never had asthma but they've decided that in the last year I've somehow "acquired" it. I don't know how you acquire it at my age and I'm not sure I'm buying into it. I think I'm going to change doctors. I'm so fed up with medicine. God damnit. Just inhaling that shit makes my hands shake, my heart race... it's like speed, or 20 cups of coffee. Terrible.

Posted by at 8:17 AM | Permalink

Ryan has a game Saturday and I'm looking forward to that but other than that and going up to Craig's office tomorrow (to utilize his bad ass scanner for some OLD family pictures that I'd like to get on the computer and it'd just take far too long to try and do it on the one at home) we'll be chillin' at the crib all weekend. We've been missing out on some time for just the two of us and we both feel the need for it. I want nothing more this weekend than to curl up on the bed or the couch and let him wrap his arms around me and let me drift off to sleep. There's no better place in the world to be.

Well today is rather anti-climactic compared to last year, but that's a good thing. Last year Ryan found me passed out in the garage and that led to a month stay in the hospital. Yuck, not fun but other than the roller coaster ride I'm on with this crap in my chest. I'm still really hoarse, so I have to whisper most of the day. I'm sure Craig loves that!! Maybe that was his Thanksgiving wish.

Marshall is in town this weekend at his mom's so Austin and Ryan are headed over there in a little bit. I don't know if they're staying the night or not. I suspect Austin is but Ryan doesn't seem too interested. She really sees Craig more as her dad than Marshall, truth be told. Marshall did surprise us all this week though and offer to buy her senior ring. I damn sure wish that offer would have been there (even just HALF of it) when we spent almost $600 on Austin's but I guess it's better late than never.

I'm going to finish up moving around the front living room tomorrow and that should complete the clean out. I've got SO much baby stuff I've got to get rid of already and since Craig's ex-wife is about to have a baby girl I'm going to take it to her house when I take over the gifts from Ryan and I. There's a ton of stuff and some of it I think she may not have even worn, or may have only worn once so I may as well give it to someone. Ryan picked out a cute little outfit for her and I got her some stuff to use to scrapbook with, but Craig says I can't put his name on the gift because that's just too weird. LOL Kyra doesn't want her name on it either and that kinda pisses me off but I can't say anything because I'm not supposed to influence the relationship at all. Whatever.

I hope everyone has a happy, healthy and safe Thanksgiving.

Posted by at 4:44 PM | Permalink

The other part of my heart arrived last night around midnight and happens to be crashed on my couch right now. This boy (he's a man, but he'll always be my boy... ya know?) is SO special to me. I just can't even tell you. Just can't.

(Ryan took one look at this picture-that I took at about 3:45 this morning- and freaked out that it was on my blog. She was like, "Mom, NO!!! I look like a DUDE!!!" LOL So, of course I left it on there!! She does look rough, doesn't she? Ha!

Anyway, DeMarcus is on a track scholarship at Oral Roberts University and he and his friends drove in last night when they got out of class. I don't know yet if he'll be staying here for the week or not (he has family in Arlington) but I haven't seen Ryan's face this bright in months so it would be well worth it even if I didn't want him here (which I DOOOOO!!!!)

Ryan had a basketball game here at home last night against Granbury, another 5A school. I don't know why the hell our coach is doing this to our kids because it's just pissing everyone off. It paid off when we beat Mansfield but this one was too much. The score was 35-15 at the half... ugh. So when we came back from halftime and we lost power almost immediately we were all pretty relieved, really. Now, we don't have to face anything until Saturday when we play Keller Central. Don't know if they're any good or not. We'll see! Right now, I'm gonna enjoy my family (with DeMarcus, YAY!!!) and try to get over this crap in my chest... if I don't die first. And get in a little shopping too. That's always good for what ails ya!

Ciao

Posted by at 8:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

to Emergency Room we go. I couldn't live with the whole "not being able to breathe thing." Really, I don't recommend it.

The co was great! I was Idian I think and he had SUCH a great sense of humor. After my chest x-ray came back he said, "I want you on bed rest for the next week or so and I don't want you talking for the next four days, but if you pay me $50 I'm certain I can make it one week." I was so taken aback that I couldn't speak and didn't realize he was joking! I finally got it but he kept making jokes the entire time he was giving me my orders for the next 10 days and I loved it. More doctors should be this way... he just had a great bedside manner and it was totally unexpected because he just looked like he was all business when he came in. It made my day.

Anyway, the doc says I'm on the backside of pnuemonia and the shot my mom have me yesterday probably started the breakdown to let my body start fighting off the infection I have in my lungs. He gave me more prescriptions so combining those with the ones I have to take regularly and I'm swallowing enough pills (plus prescription cough syrup) to choke an elephant. (11 a day)

Ryan was on the front page of yesterday's newspaper. It's a great picture but what's she's doing is terrible. She's stepping under the rebound she's pulled down and the girl behind her tried to pull the ball over Ryan's head. The other girl got a foul called on her but Ryan's got to protect that ball better. Speaking of basketball... she had a fantastic tournament in Austin. In 5 games she scored over 100pts. I don't have the numbers on these but coach said she did fantastic on rebs and steals. She was about 70% from the line so I'm pretty happy with all the numbers in general. It appears all the girls are ready to play and the team is much better than I previously thought. I'm really excited now to see how they do this year.

That's it for me. I'm out!

Posted by at 2:16 AM | Permalink

Alright, I managed to scrape my ass out of bed to get the tickets but not to save the handling fees by getting to Ticketmaster at Macy's. I just used a damn credit card and did it over the phone. It made the tickets cost an extra $12 bucks, but when they're already that expensive, who's counting? (EDIT: The tickets sold out within hours. He sold out the fucking American Airlines Center? Damn!!!!)

I'm really excited about going and so is my mom! This is one of the things I really enjoy about having my kids when I did (I was almost 21 with Austin and almost 23 with Ryan). My mom was 19 when she had my brother, 23 (by about 5 minutes- literally) when she had me and 27 when she had my sister, so we're all at an age where we can enjoy certain things with my kids, and this is certainly one of them. I can't wait!!!

Posted by at 10:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

As sick as I am I've managed to scrape up enough energy to make sure I'm out of bed in the morning to be at Ticketmaster in Macy's when they open at 10am in the morning to get my tickets. My boy is finally coming back to town. I haven't seen him in just over two years. He won't be here until March 19th but it'll be well worth the wait.

It's JOSH GROBAN!!! YAY!! Last time Craig took me for our anniversary but it was in August (early anniversary) and it was at an outdoor amphitheater. THIS time it's at the American Airlines Center. My mom and I are taking Ryan. She won't know until she gets her ticket for Christmas. She is going to be SOOOOO excited. It damn near killed her when we didn't take her last time.

I can't wait!!!!!!

Posted by at 4:36 PM | Permalink

Alright, I'm gonna comment on Emmitt winning Dancing with the Stars. Don't worry, I'll be brief. Shocking, I know.

I've only watched maaaaaybe 3 epidsodes of that show total. It's not my thing, really. But it turned into a real soap opera with the Sara Evans thing, then when it got down to Emmitt and Mario the other night I was forced to watch because I have a theory I'm forced to live by... as do most other true blue Texans. "If a Texan's in it, I wanna win it." Plain and simple. So I TiVo'd it and watched the end just to make Texas brought home the hardware.

Damn straight.

Posted by at 4:59 PM | Permalink

It's 12:41 in the afternoon here and I'm just now able to get out of bed. Things have gone from the worst to the worst-worst. I don't know what's after this but I don't want to find out. Ryan slept in here last night and she said it sounded like I was trying to breathe underwater. Can you say Aquaman? Do you even remember that show (or comic book)? Anyhow...

I can't sit up strait- I'm having to lean way over to the left. I guess I've strained the muscles in my back from coughing. Not good. I did get some sleep finally, so that part is good. My eyes were glued shut from whatever is in them, that's not good. I have thrush in my mouth from the antibiotic, not good but I get it anytime I take rocephin or a z-pac. The cost of getting better.

Basically, I'm not better... but I'm not worse so I guess that's good in some twisted ass way of thinking. So for now I'll take it.

Posted by at 12:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It's 4am I woke up an hour ago, still exhaused, achy and generally feeling crappy but have no clue why I'm awake.

The Robitussin cough syrup works better than the presription stuff, plus they threw in the free cough drops and I had to buy all my other scrips anyway. Hopefully they'll all kick in Very quickly

Posted by at 4:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I am SO sick. I really could just throw in the towel right now. My body and mind is ready to quit, I'm just so tired. There's nothing left... no energy.Everything hurts. Everytime I cough it feel like my face is going to disintegrate. I've never felt my teeth were part of some other system, rigged to torture me through my lungs should the need to cough arise. Surely designed by the Chinese. Those bastards.

At the doctor's office yesterday for my epdural the nurses told me that I was not my funny, cheery self and it was evident that I was ill ("ill" doesn't quite cover it) so I couldn't lie and I told them I had been to the doctor the day before and he told me I was having a reaction in my lungs-all true-but since I hadn't started the antibiotic yet, I could go ahead with the steriod treatment AND he went ahead and added a antbiotic treatment with the steroid treatment.
I knew I shouldn't have done it since I was so sick but I needed to get this last one done, so I did. (2:31 edit- just got phone call from doc- it's officially pneumonia. Great. Now it's just a matter of finding a way to stay out of the hospital. I don't have a good track record with that when I've had it before.BUT while it's all good that I got that done, I feel like shit from being sick and the threat of getting sicker is REALLY scaring me. SO dangerous and selfish!!! My sister is in the hospital and I needed to be available to help my dad with the baby in case he has to go help my mom with my sister. I mean, there is a whole list of shit and YES I'm including myself in there and I know that's selfish, but it's honsest... so there!

Now I'm getting some sleep. I have gotten any sleep in two or three nights.
Edit 1:10pm- haven't gotten one wink of sleep. I'm exhausted and I'm miserable.

Posted by at 9:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I am soooo happy today because my neice is here. She is almost 11 weeks old and she's got her first cold. She was sitting in my lap a few minutes ago and I had my legs crossed so that my foot was basically beside hers. I don't know why but I almost always notice noses, hands and feet (in that order unless feet are bare. No clue why) on people. I LOVE babies' hands and feet... sooooooo cute. Anyway, I don't have big feet (I'm almost 5'9 and wear a 7.5- less than average) but they looked SO big next to hers. See?

(GOD my shoes look filthy in this picture. You can tell I'm left handed in this picture just because of the way my bow hangs. I flip my knot the wrong way-typical lefty, and it gives us all away!)

Oh my GOD I laugh my ass off at every post on THIS blog. Of course it's a joke but it just makes my day!!!

This is going to sound SO selfish but my uncle's funeral yesterday lasted FOR. EVER!!! My God, Austin damn near fell asleep in his chair (leave it to my kid!) Don't get me wrong, it was nice. Just too long. Don't hate...

My mother and my sister had their showdown yesterday. My sister has just been acting like an idiot since she had the baby (actually, during the pregnancy too- but I'm giving her "hormonal" credit) and my mom has had enough. My dad steered clear... I wasn't so lucky. I think everyone got their bitching out. At least I hope so... good GOD, get OVER it!!!

Carry on.

Posted by at 10:43 AM | Permalink

First I must tell you about the bullshit and Be$tbuy. Bastards. I went in to buy the new Josh Groban cd that came out today and I picked up a bottled water to drink in the truck. Some fairly new person was the cashier. I haven't gone back to get my Texas drivers license since I've been back (almost 7 years) so obviously it was out of date. So I hand them my passport like I do at every store and bank I ever go to expecting no trouble like normal.

So the cashier asked me for a driver's license and I explained the whole thing. She said, "Well I need your driver's license to verify your address." SO I put it out there and asked her how that verified my address. This caused a whole dust up and I asked her to get a manager. When he came out he handed me the bag, my water and my check. I told him what happened and he apologized, telling me he'd talk to her.

I walked out and got into my truck, opening the new cd and getting my stuff situated when I realized that I still had my check in my hand so I went back in. They wanted me to walk back out to my truck to get the cd and the bottle of water, but I told them to just get new ones and ring it up. They refused... so I walked out... with my check. Now I'm feeling pretty guilty. Bastards.

Tonight is the official start of basketball season. It's still preseason, but her stats get reported to the paper so she better tear it up.

Posted by at 3:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

but I am feeling a little better. I'm at least in a better mood. I'm not ready to choke anyone, and don't expect to need that tactic anytime soon.

I've been going through my grandmother's old pictures so I can scan them in and not just make a disc of them but to try and correct a few things. I'm anxious to get started because I just can't believe how old some of these pictures are. My mother gave my aunt most of the (WTF?) and took them and made copies instead. She kept SOME original pictures but the ratio is definitely off. Either way, I'm excited because these pictures go back to my maternal grandmother's family and there are even some pictures of my maternal grandfather's family... even some little ones of my grandfather before he got his leg cut off at age 10. The even more interesting ones I already got. I found a distant member of our family and she emailed me pictures of my great-grandparents are young people and my great-great-grandfather's ranch.

This is really exciting to me because my maternal grandmother's family is Amish-Mennonite and my great-grandparents died when I was in my 20s, right about the time I wanted to know so much about my family.

They gave me letters that my great uncles had written while they deployed. It was horrible when the youngest, only 19, died in the invasion of Normandy Beach. My great grandparents church split over burying him in the church graveyard because he died fighting and that's a no-no in their church.

Anyway, this ought to be fun.

Posted by at 9:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'm sooooo tired. Just exhausted by daily life and fed up with certain things. I'm pissed off beyond belief and right now I'm angry enough to chew through my desk.

Posted by at 3:43 PM | Permalink

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm feeling frustrated and listless and like I'm searching for something but my brain won't tell me what it is. Maybe it's just the time of year... I don't know.

I feel like getting in my truck and driving for hours with the music blaring and the windows rolled down. That always leaves me feeling more calm and less like I need to run. That's how I used to deal with stress, but now that I don't have to deal with Marshall it's not often I feel that way. (God, I can't even believe I used his name on here. Blech!)

Maybe things will settle in when we head to Austin next week (end). Four days in Austin ought to be enough to relieve that feeling. Plus, I'm looking really forward to seeing Reisha and her family. We've been friends since 7th grade (don't do the math... it's too depressing! LOL) and I really enjoy her company.

My uncle's body is supposed to be back from Memphis today. Then the plans for his funeral can be solidified. I think my aunt will be much more able to focus once she knows "he's" back here. I'm going over there tomorrow to help keep my grandmother company until my dad and his sister get back from the funeral home. It's depressing to see my family shrinking so rapidly.

On a lighter (more twisted) note Ryan and I were talking about dying because she heard my aunt say that she knows Darrell would not want anyone crying for him. I told Ryan that when I'm gone they better cry... copious amounts and for a very long time. She thought that was pretty funny. I'm still not sure if I was playing or not!!! =o)

Posted by at 11:45 AM | Permalink

Yesterday after I got home from having lunch with Craig my dad called and said my uncle died. He'd gone to Memphis to see about moving his 95yr old father home to Ft. Worth (his dad was in the hospital) and when he went to the hospital gift shop he dropped dead of a major heart attack.

No warning, no nothing. He's a minister so we all know he's gone "home" but still... my aunt is absolutely in shock. This is my dad's sister and it's hard to imagine anyone in his family doing this but she is the type of wife who let her husband take care of everything. She has no clue about bills, banking... nothing.

The worst part is trying to get his body home from Memphis, not to mention his car and belongings. It's all alot to take in.

Posted by at 9:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Ok, so tomorrow night I'm playing softball with Craig's company team. I've been nervous because I haven't played since I hurt my back... about 6 years ago or so. But I took Craig to lunch today and he starts telling me how he's told everyone at work how good I am. Am? Was.

He's been telling them about the scholarships I walked away from (to get married- what a Dumbass!) and how, when I moved to California the men on his men's team wanted me to play on their team. He goes into this whole THING about me playing and I was ready to choke him right in the middle of Pei Wei. What is he thinking???? I just hope I don't embarass myself.

I don't care how good I was I'm more interested in not making an ass of myself, but I never counted on him telling anyone about how serious I played before. Now, I'm terrified and worried that I'm going to bring about some self fulfilling prophecy. I have very little confidence no matter how good I was. This is terrible. Now, it's all I can think about.

I swear I'm going to choke him.

Posted by at 2:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Seriously. He's spiraling downward and I'm worried the depression about his "situation" is going to take him out. He needs there to be a resolution because the worry is weighing too heavily on him.

Honestly, I think the military would be good for him. He does, too. He wants to join the Marines (love the uniform!!!) but it's sooooo hard for me to urge him to do that while we are engaged in Iraq. He needs the military, though. He needs the chip knocked off his shoulder, and soon.

He's the one in the glasses. This should give you some idea of his personality. This is Justin (his friend) on the bottom. This is now TWO pictures (see below) of him on top of Justin. I'm sensing a trend here.

Posted by at 8:53 PM | Permalink