KG's Hideaway

First, let me just say Ryan played like shit. I'll leave it at that.

I was sorting some of my digital pictures and came across this one.

You can tell she'll do anything to get her picture taken. This was a couple of months ago in Chicago when we were there for her to get a national ranking.

Yesterday was a strange sort of day for me, but I can't really put my finger on why. Do you ever feel like you're supposed to notice or remember or do something, but you just can't seem to be able to come up with what it is? I've had that feeling for a few days now and its bugging the hell out of me. Maybe it's just the change in weather that has my brain getting fuzzy. Hard to say.

No matter what, I'm pissed off that I've been awake this early two days in a row. I can't even blame it on the dogs. The weather is such that both of them wanted to stay outside, even Jade and her pampered ass. Her leg is finally starting to bother her again so I guess I'm going to have to let her have the surgery. I can't believe I have a dog with a torn ACL. It's too ridiculous to even ponder, especially when you consider how lazy she is. But aren't they cute? Of course they are!

Have you ever noticed that there are only so many reasons that you'd find two guys on top of eachother on a slip-n-slide? This is my son riding down the s-n-s with Justin. Austin's on top... I don't know if that's better or not.

Posted by at 5:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

... he said yes, so I'll be having surgery in January. I really wanted to do it the first week in January so I wouldn't miss many, if any, of Ryan's games but I don't see that happening now. I'll miss at least one week of games, but it's worth it in the long run, I guess. He says this surgery's a bitch, but after my stomach surgery I don't see anything being as bad as that.

On another exciting note I'm playing softball again Friday. It's been since before I hurt my back that I played and I miss it SO much. I was once a very serious player. My mother played semi-pro and I played Junior Olympic fastpitch but turned down a couple of college offers to get married instead. Brilliant move, huh? Oh well, I grabbed my glove last weekend and threw with Craig. My arm is still there and I've always been an extremely strong hitter so it's just going to be a matter of how well I move. We shall see!

Posted by at 4:36 PM | Permalink

In honor of the school basketball season starting tonight, I wanted to post this picture of her. This was published on the hoop gurlz website. (She's the one blocking the shot)

But this is her school team. School teams (generally) aren't nearly as good as the AAU/Junior Olympic teams so it's a drop in excitement but with the new district we're in it's going to be close, unless the loss of 4 senior players from last year tank our season.

Either way, we have a blast this time of year. Go Eagles!!

Posted by at 8:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Seems like everyone in the house was dressing up last night for their dates and that gave me a change to snap a few pictures. Austin was leaving before Ryan so I snapped this one of the two of them when she didn't have her make up on. Her face looks totally differnt like this, but with Austin you can still see the deep shadows around his eyes from when he was sick.

Lucky for me they were all going to the same place so it gave me a good opportunity to get pictures of them with their dates, but those pictures didn't come out so good so I'm stickin with just the family pictures!

The funniest part of this picture is that with the heels Ryan is wearing(and the little sidewalk she's on) she's taller than Austin. Austin is just over 6'3. (is it just me or do they look totally unrelated? I don't think they look anything like eachother, except they're both tall.)

I like this picture of Ryan but again, it sort of flattens out her face so I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Either way, I liked the dress she had on and I was sooo happy that for ONCE IN HER LIFE the girl got to wear high heels on a date. She's 6 '2 so that doesn't happen for her often but her boyfriend is 6 '5 so it worked last night!!

This picture of Ryan isn't so good but she really did look very pretty and very grown up last night.

I wish I could get her to open her eyes during pictures like this. She has on almost no makeup for this picture but it shows off her eyes so well.(keep in mind that this is a digital picture of a picture already in a frame.)

Posted by at 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I finally got a good night's sleep last night. I always do when I sleep in Craig's chest. For whatever reason, he says he sleeps better that way too. He was in NC night before last and I could barely sleep at all.

After seven years of being married (8 years together, 9 if you count the online part) I still feel like the world stops every time he wraps his arms around me. I forget to tell him that sometimes though I don't know why.

Every morning he kisses me before he leaves, even though I'm asleep most of the time. Yesterday I asked him to go in late since he'd been out of town the two days before. SO he stayed home a while then went to work after my medicine kicked in and I'd fallen to sleep.

This picture is a couple years old but he and I haven't done one together with only the two of us in a while. I had to scan this in so it looks even more like crap but whatever. It's still us.

And for some reason we're surviving in spite of all the crap we're going through. I really didn't think there were still men like him out there when I divorced Marshall. Luckily, God sent me a man good enough to make up for the first one.

Posted by at 1:21 PM | Permalink

I have a new one for you. Especially if you love/hate the Cowboys. This is priceless!! There have only been a few posts so read all the way from the bottom up. Trust me, this is worth it.

Go read this. Hysterical!!

Posted by at 2:32 PM | Permalink

Well, I think my sister and I are going to go back to school. She is really nervous because she didn't do so well in school due to dyslexia. They didn't diagnose her dyslexia until November of her Senior year so she has no confidence in herself and her ability to pull it off. So I've offered to go to school with her just to make her more comfortable and be there to help her out when she doesn't know something.

She thinks she's stupid, but she's not. She's just lost all confidence in herself. It's really sad... she even wants help filling out ANY paperwork involving the baby because she's certain she'll mess it up.

So I'm hoping this will be something she does just to prove to herself that she CAN do it.

We shall see.

Posted by at 8:37 PM | Permalink

For once they're not for me. They are for one of my best friends and her family. I won't give details because they aren't mine to share, but she'll probably blog about it pretty soon. Someone very close to her could use a few extra prayers tonight, so if you could squeeze them in I'd appreciate it.

Now, if you just happen to have one more spare prayer my ears could use it. My ear drums are exploding, I know they are. Hopefully the antibiotic will kick in quickly. If I cough one more time I'm going to attempt sleeping while standing. I don't have much hope but I'll let you know how it works out.

Posted by at 11:07 PM | Permalink

I feel worse than crappy. I had a root canal done this morning so I feel much better where that's concerned (except for the whopping 9 shots it took to numb me!!!) I went to my old dentist, not the one on my insurance so I had to pay cash. Ouch. I'll get the crown on my insurance, thankyouverymuch.

But now I've got the flu. My eardrums feel like they're getting blown out of my ears. My throat is killing me. My chest is tight and the coughing is driving me crazy. Basically, I'm going to take a really hot bath put on my snuggliest pj's and crawl into bed and stay.

Posted by at 4:40 PM | Permalink

When I woke up yesterday I didn't feel well. I mean yeah the tooth ache hurt (T-2h3m til dentist appt! Yay!) worse than I'd ever had one before, I literally sat on bed with tears rolling down my face. So yeah, it was bad. Then last night my legs started in. Thankfully that tingling feeling was only there for about 30minutes.

Now, I've lost my voice and my chest really feel like I have a rubber band around it. Everytime I've ever felt this way I've had pneumonia and a week in the hospital. Lovely

Posted by at 7:07 AM | Permalink

... it's all the others. My tooth doesn't really hurt anymore, but the entire right side of my face is sore. Adding insult to injury, my legs have decided to start tingling. I have the diagnosis of, "We're pretty sure you have restless leg syndrome, but it could be MS." I don't really care what it is I just what my medicine to work. It does most of the time but three or four nights a month it doesn't and I either cry myself to sleep or just take more medicine and stay awake until it kicks in. Luckily it isn't pain meds or even mucle relaxers. Its actually an anti-seizure medication (gabapentin) and it works pretty well considering I'm on a gargantuan dose (2400mg @ hs).

RLS (restless leg syndrome) is not very understood at this point. They don't know why people get it, but they do think it can be tiggered by an injury, one of which I had about a year before the tingling in my legs started. Its really a pain in the ass.

Posted by at 6:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Looking at new cars is wearing me out. This isn't as fun as it used to be. Why is that? I guess I'm not really ready to part with my truck. It's a 2003 and I just passed the 50k mile mark. I don't want to start having trouble and with all the traveling we do, avoiding that means getting a new car. Plus, my truck payment is $535/mo and with all the incentives and interest rates right now I can get what I want for about $325/mo. Not a bad trade off.

My throat hurts and my tooth is still killing me. (edit_ appointment tomorrow, thank God!) It's all Jr's fault. He sucked ASS on Sunday at Martinsville. I haven't even checked my fantasy points. I probably lost the lead this week.

Here he is blowing it after getting impatient with Kasey Kahne. Nice, huh?

Don't get me wrong... I'd still take him. That car does it for me.

Posted by at 9:39 AM | Permalink

So I spent some part of this morning moving furniture from the front living room to the family room. We're getting rid of the other furniture. It isn't old, it isn't ugly. We got cats about a year ago. Two female kittens at the same time. They started spraying the furniture a few months ago. I can't take it any longer. I had it cleaned, as well as the carpet. I had the cats spayed, they continued marking.
Therefor, the furniture is loaded into the back of my truck to go to the dump tomorrow and the cats are going to a local no-kill shelter. I feel bad about it, I really do. I believe that when you get animals you are agreeing to take care of them for their life, but this is insane. The sofa from the front living room has some faint odor to it (we caught this and started closing the doors to that room before it was TOO late) but I'm just trying to get past Christmas with this stuff then I'm buying new.

I don't know what it is about me and smells. Cat odor is by far the worst I've had to deal with, but really any smell makes me gag. I really worried about it when I started nursing school (and let me tell you, there are some really funny stories because of it!!). Just ask my kids (or my husband!) You pass gass in the room and you are very likely going to get hurt. No, I'm not kidding. My kids used to do it in the car during bad weather because it was funny to watch me hang my head out the window, even if it was hailing. (Yes, it WAS funny, and yes I really did that) If there's any kind of wierd odor I'll find it, rest assured.

So, the cats are out tomorrow and the dogs aren't. But my dogs REFUSE to crap or pee in the house. I got Woody when he was 5 weeks old and by 8 weeks he was totally house broken and could sit, shake, lay, and roll over. (the very argued that he was too young to be able to do it until Woody showed him!) Plus I have left them in the house for almost 28 hours when we got caught at the hospital when a family member died. We expected to come home and find some serious piles (I have two big labs) but they were just impatiently waiting at the back door. We have a big covered patio(40x20) in our back yard, so there are three back doors to our house(imagine a sort of square horse shoe for the back side of the house); one in the living room, one in the kids hall and one that is in our bedroom. Woody will use his tail to "knock" on the door in our room at night when he wants out to pee. It's never at 11 or even 1am, it's always 3:45am. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, which is usually once or twice a week, it's ALWAYS 3:45. Never fails.

No clue why my thoughts took this track today but it is what it is.

Posted by at 4:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Normally I look forward to this, but this year not so much. I live in the same town I grew up in. I mean, we've always lived in the Ft. Worth area but I'm REALLY in my hometown and have been for the last 5 years. It's a tiny little place of about 6500 people, but it's perfect here.

But homecoming this year is going to be a MADHOUSE because our football team is 7-0 and I don't think I can remember a time when that has happened. It's hard enough to get into a game on Friday nights since we gave up our season tickets but homecoming will be ridiculous so I'm skipping it.

But I have to make the garter mum for Ryan's boyfriend, who is on the football team. They wear them on their arm- So for him its really stupid because he won't ever be able to wear it because he'll be on the field the whole time. Personally, I think that's what the guys prefer. When I was in school the guys never wore anything like that!! The girls did, and we LOVED them but the guys would have gnawed them arm off to avoid that crap. Nowadays, I guess they'll do anything to have a shot at a girl.

Posted by at 2:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Jesus, where does the money go? My husband makes serious cash. I mean, not SERIOUS cash but semi-serious dough. But somehow I find a way to spend lots of it. Even when I don't shop. Yet there are months when I shop til my heart is more than content, really downright pooped, and it seems I've SAVED money. It makes no sense. I'm thinking I need to shop at WalMart or something. Who knows? It'll help to get Austin and Ryan out of the freakin' house. They are clothes hounds, not that I fault them one bit for it. But I guess Craig and Laura didn't really get into having cute clothes or something. I mean, Craig gets it NOW. (You should have seen the looks on his friend's faces when I started buying his clothes. One of them even commented that they could tell he had a girlfriend who cared about clothes because his wife never did! OUCH!!! And that was when they lived in California. I didn't think they let people live there who didn't care about what they wore!)

Anyway, I got rid of all those clothes and shoes the other day and the only thing I've feeling the itch for is shoes. I have a thing for tennis shoes. White tennis shoes, "ice creams". Gotta be cleaaaaaaaaaaaaaan. Once they're dirty, they're no good, but I've got the secret to keeping them looking new. I have a pair of Adidas Rom's that I got in 8th grade that could pass for just a few months old. If you're nice, I'll tell you some day.

Posted by at 5:29 PM | Permalink

There is no life in my today. The epidurals always do this to me. I guess it's the general anesthesia. I'm pretty much toast for the rest of the day. I always feel like sit but today its been far worse than normal so I'm headed bed-bye. Nite-Nite

Posted by at 9:48 PM | Permalink

It's called "Let's Ride" by The Game. Go get it... is SO good. Rock it out.

Other than that, I am SOOOOOOO into The Fray. I'm going to buy that CD today. It's awesome, and I just love their sound. Love it!!

Posted by at 11:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I have another epidural scheduled for tomorrow morning. I hate these things, my GOD how I hate these. I hate being put under, I hate waking up some time later having no CLUE what has happened. It drives me nuts. But the worst is how bad my back hurts when I get home. So tomorrow night and Friday will be a nightmare. Total shit hole, really. Muscle spasms will rule the day. By Sunday it will be better and Monday almost gone.

But for today, I'm going to dread it. While I'm at a funeral. Funerals suck, at least the last time I was at one, they did. This ones at one of the nicest damn places in town, so maybe it won't suck. Sorry, bad joke. Family money, and all. Reisha and her three sisters just came into SERIOUS oil money. Her grandmother left them all a trust when she did and then left the rest of her SERIOUS cash to Reisha's mom. Well, thr trust was more than enough for all of Reisha's sister's to get advanced degrees a private universities and live off campus, driver VERY nice cars, and have beautiful weddings when they got married and STILL have money for a house. ALL three of them. Now that their mom has died, lets just say that they'll all be doing that for their grandchildren as well... for a VERY long time. Serious oil money from waaaaaaaaaaay back.

I can remember these envelopes stacking up on her Gran's counter when we were over there all the time and these stacks would be 6 or 7 inches high before she'd have us get into the car to go to the bank. I saw all these evelopes from the same company thinking they were BILLS from the same company and I just innocently asked her when she was going to pay them. She would look at my like she thought I was the most precocious thing in the world and say (in her very Texas, Grand Dame voice) "Honey, I don't pay THEM!! THEY pay ME!!!" And then she'd deposit several hundred thousand dollars each and every month that we'd go, and each and every month she'd take us to the mall to cellebrate. THAT woman knew how to treat another "almost" woman!!

I had lost contact with Reisha for a few years when Gran died but we reconnected at our (ack!!) 20yr reunion back in January so I really want to be there for her mom's funeral. Her mom's house is just about 5 minutes from me so we're actually invited there afterward and I'm going to take my digital cameral. Some people will think it's in poor taste but Reisha and John won't. Nor will Reisha's sister, Treisha. (Yea, guess they couldn't come up with an original name here so we just called her sissy). We had some pretty good laughs at the wake last night. Reisha and John were supposed to go see Blue Man group and they said they were going to go drop the tickets into the coffin and jokingly say, Well, Maybe you can't see BLue Man but I'll bet you get to see the RED Man Group!!!" (a reference to being in hell) That's just the kind of jokes that got cracked last night. Bad ones I know, but you'd just have to know how bad her mom was. These girls were raised by their dad and their mom's mom if that tells you anything. THeir mom was angry at life. She was a diabetic that just didn't take care of herself and lost fingers, feet... just lots. Anyway... you get the picture. They loved her, but sometimes you've just got to laugh. And everyonce in a while she'd laugh about it too. Maybe she's proud of the beautiful and diginified service they're putting together for her. We'll save the jokes for when we're off in a corner!!

Posted by at 9:43 AM | Permalink

This is getting fucking ridiculous! It's 2:51am and I am still awake. Not because I can't sleep, mind you. This time it's because my house has somehow become Grand Central-Freakin-Station in the middle of the damn night! I don't even know how this damn thing got started!

My daughter, better known as Satan's Spawn for the last 6 days (if you know what I mean... hint hint hint. God help us all and just give the girl a hysterectomy NOW!) was bitching about going to the wake and that somehow blew up into a big fight that ended with Austin (of all people) only going with us. We got back in record time after stopping at our favorite Mexican restaurant only to get home for round #2 with Ryan.

She finally calms down, has a good cry and comes into my room to watch Boston Legal, so we're thinking everything is good. We get into bed and the phone starts ringing off the hook! All three lines! Then all the cell phones start in. Then, at 1:30am Austin's ex-girl friend shows up at the house to spend the night. Holy hell. I'm exhausted. I unplugged the phones, took up all the cell phones and turned them off. I told everyone that if their phones rang on a school night again after 9pm that'd be IT. No more. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Just give me a reason. I'd love it... Here it goesssssssssss. Now I'm going to bed. Maybe I'll be able to go to sleep this time. I mean, it's only 3:01am. Let's hope.

Posted by at 3:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I've got to go to a wake tonight. I a true "DUH" statement, I'm not looking forward to it. I AM, however, looking forward to seeing my friend Reisha. We were best friends most of the 7th through 12th grade. She is just one of those people that always keeps you laughing. I LOVE her. She lives in Austin now (I'm in Ft. Worth) so we don't see eachother often and I just hate that tonight is under these circumstances. Tomorrow, obviously will be the funeral and we'll visit after that and I don't know how long she'll be in town after that. I'm hoping that she'll be in town often to help settle her mother's substantial estate.

(Just a thought: I wonder if there will be alcohol. They were quite the roudy family. This could be a fun night. Not to be rude, or anything but you know...)

Today I woke up with a TITANIC migraine. It was awful. In fact, I don't think I've had one that bad since I was in the hospital last year but this time one dose of my medication took care of it. I couldn't believe it! I ended up cleaning out my closet and I'm embarrased to admit that I threw away four 35 gallon trash bags of shoes and clothes. I can't believe I had that many things in my closet, threw that much away and STILL have so many. My GAWD... he's gonna want to take my credit cards away. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Posted by at 3:27 PM | Permalink

I took my 7wk old neice to my parents house yesterday and took this in their garden. Look how cute she is!! You gotta love it!!

She's darn near perfect if I do say so myself! If you don't agree, you better not say so 'cuz I'll hunt you down like a dog and kick your ass. Trust me on that one. Got it? Good.

Posted by at 8:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I swear, I'm going to hurt myself. I can only take so much and she's shoving it in my face as fast as she can. Jesus H. Christ, Mary AND Joseph... I don't know where the hell she gets the nerve!!! al;kfjaoirf p;odfh;aeobija;oidefjsldkafjal;es fiejj'aosidfj baoifjab!!!!!!!

There! I said it all! I'll leave it at that. That jibberish is all the shit I want to say without everyone knowing her shit. I swear she is a shepherd for the devil! I know it. I had to take her for her SAT's this morning and she bitched the ENTIRE way there. She was STILL bitching as she was walking in, AFTER she got out of my car, I shit you not. I'm sure that she'll pick right back up where she left off when I go back to get her, making sure she never even drops a vowel.

In that case I seriously will push her ass right out of my car and I'm not even kidding. Not at all. I'm just one hair away....

Posted by at 10:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We've all heard of the horrific events suffered by the Amish girls at the hands of a killer. I don't need to recount those horrors here. Last evening they accepted the help our modern day heavy machinery to come and raize the building where so much innocence was lost.

My mother's family is Amish Menonite (it was her mother's parents). They had electricity when in their home when I was growing up but you wouldn't find a tv in their home- until one day we stumbled across one in the attic that some of the other grandkids had smuggled in. Or so we'd thought. My great grandfather'd smuggled it in! HA! He was soooooo wonderful. Anyway, back to what I intended to say.

The Amish are a very passive people and it's nice to see how far they've come with forgiveness. My great-grandparents had 9 kids. 5 of which were boys. All of them were drafted during WWII. When the youngest, a boy of barely 18, came back in a coffin after dying on Normandy beach my G-grandparents church refused to let him be buried in the church yard because he'd died fighting. The church literally split over that. So much MORE senseless fighting.

Yet we see them now reaching out to this killers family to help them heal. And that is truly a good and beautiful thing. Wouldn't if be nice if we could be that forgiving to people who'd done far less to us?

There are always lessons to be learned in extremes. I know this is a crazy way to end this post, but why do you think they put together the choices they do on Wife Swap? Extremes. Lessons to be learned and that's a really quick way to make you see that maybe you could lighten up a little bit here and pick up the load some over there. Horrible segue, I know. But hopefully you get my point.

Posted by at 10:18 AM | Permalink

Ok that's not really accurate. I'm not really SO hungry. I was just not really satisfied by that ONE little tiny breakfast bar. So... I did the totally sensible thing. It's what any sane person would do. I ate two. I mean really. It's Kellog's fault!! They made those damn Special K Blueberry AND the Strawberry bars BOTH so damn good. And they're only 90 calories each. Yesterday one was more than enough and I actually had to force myself to eat that last bite. Today? Not so much. Anyhoo.

I had to take Austin to the doc this morning and they managed to squeeze me in as well. Austin is sick as a dog, so they loaded him up with antibiotics. He got an early version of the flu bug and if this is any indication of what's coming down the pyke, this is going to be a nasty season.

I'm cooking pan fried chicken fried steak, with mashed potatos and gravy, sweet corn and a green salad with fresh rolls for dinner. Can you believe that when I met Craig 8 years ago he'd never had chicken fried steak that wasn't deep fried? I was like, "honey you haven't had REAL chicken fried steak until you had it fried in a cast iron skillet like the old days." He didn't believe me till he tried it, now he's a BEliever. So I thought that would be my gift to myself. Surrounding myself with my family at the table and then we're going to scrounge up a VCR (We have 6 damn DVD players but no vcrs hooked up anywhere) somewhere in this house to watch one of my favorite movies. It's actually not a movie but a vhs recording of the stage production of "A Tuna Christmas". If you haven't seen any of the "Tuna" productions I HIGHLY recommend them. They are some of the best comedy I've seen anywhere. Look, I can cuss like a sailor some days but I also know to mind my p's and q's when I need to. These productions a saucy enough to cover to funny stuff yet not be offensive. For instance, Di Di Snavley actually says "God Damnit, R.R!!!" (RR is her husband) but there is such a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time between the words God and Damnit that its too funny to be offended. Probably the best part of the whole thing is that ALL of the whole cast of characters represented (a whole town, basically) are played by two MEN! They change characters within seconds and their timing is impeccably funny and even funnier when they're off by even a milisecond because they comment on it and they fire shots at eachother that I guess you have to know the history to "get" but it's worth the time. You can find out all about getting your own TUNA here.

Gotta run to get started on dinner!!!)

Posted by at 2:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

First, let me say that I'm pissed off for being awake at 3am. I actually woke up around 2am because Austin was in the living room coughing his ass off so I got up and went in there with him for a few minutes. I didn't even think about it... I grabbed a little pint Blue Bell dutch chocolate ice cream and a spoon and plopped down on the couch and started talking to him. I was probably a quarter way through it before it hit me that I'm supposed to be on a DIET! Shit, that sucks! I did SO good yesterday too!!! But then a little voice in the back of my head reminded me that today is my birthday sooooooo, it's my gift to myself! Voila!

Soooo, about that birthday thing. I'm 40. I don't feel 40. I don't think I look 40, though I don't know specifically what 40 looks like. I don't act 40. So I've decided that today is the 11th annicersary of my 29th birthday. That's the official verdict straight from my office. Maybe I'll even get a stamp made. Yeah, that's it!

Posted by at 3:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

All right. the shit has totally hit the fan now. I know I've been blogging about the cleaning frenzy going on at my house but now it's seriously out of control. I've now stayed on my diet, scoured the vast majority of my house, cooked, exercised... EXERCISED!!! DO YOU HEAR ME??? I EXERCISED!!!!... Jesus, I must have bought the big one. Dementia is setting in. Or maybe it's full blown alzheimers at this point (don't you hate it when people say old timer's instead of alzheimer's? Drives me nuts!! Sorry. My A.D.D. is acting up today) Anyway... Next thing I know I'm going to take up sweing or something. Jesus H. Christ I am officially old. Shoot me now. Or just teach me how to knit and roll me into a corner. I'll be okay. Just check on me every month or so.

goodbye old friend. good bye.....
(evening edit- I'll have all you badasses know that not only did I survive the first day of my diet, I did it with well over 250 calories to spare! Yay- maybe I should have some icecream! No! Bad Kristi! Somebody needs to spank me! Please? haha!)

Posted by at 5:16 PM | Permalink

I've kept my promise to myself. For three and a half hours at least. I woke up around 8am and decided to go get coffee. Too lazy to make it and I wanted the good stuff anyway, so I headed to St&rbucks. Ryan tagged along so I drank it on the way home and we stopped at the highschool and walked a half mile on the track first. Then we headed to WalMart to get some stuff I wanted to use in some deep cleaning I'm doing today. And that brings me to now. I'm about to start that. I haven't snacked or anything and I'm not hungry either so I'll probably just have an apple for lunch. Maybe I'll make it through the day under my caloric goal. We shall see. It's early yet and I have virtually no will power.

Posted by at 12:01 PM | Permalink

It means "I'M AWAKE AGAIN!" God Damnit. I'm so tired of being awake in the middle of the night. These freaking night terrors chase me to the edge of sleep until I wake up screaming or hitting Craig or running from my room, convinced that someone is chasing me. It's terrible. Tonight was the classic "spiders on the wall."

I don't know how to describe how awful this nightmare (with me it's be diagnosed as night terrors) is. Normally, I start seeing these huge spiders on the wall above my bed. They appear about the size of dinner plates and they are all over the wall. Craig wakes up and I'm trying to get him to see them but obviously he doesn't. I them get frustrated while he's trying to get me to wake up. I'm about half way there because I remember most of it but it's hazy. I'm absolutely, 100% terrified though.

Tonight's nightmare must have only been a nightmare because I woke up afraid but not out of control afraid, and I didn't wake him up to check on anything. So I woke him up for sex instead. Anyway.

My diet starts today. In earnest and I'm really bummed and excited about it at the same time. I'm going to lose xx lbs by the end of the month. Yes I know I didn't put the number of pounds in there but I know what they are and I will know if I do it or not. And I will.

I'm going to try and go back to sleep but I'm willing to bet it won't work. Hope I'm wrong.

Posted by at 4:10 AM | Permalink

I've been woken up at least 3 times during the night by the dogs or by my tooth ache and I'm pissed off. The last time I got up I had just stepped out of bed when Craig's alarm went off for him to get up for his golf tournament so that wasn't so bad. I never wake up when he's leaving so I think he thought I was getting up for him and it made him happy. I scored some bonus points there.

Last night was miserable with Ryan. She has been a royal bitchy pain in the ass lately. She reminds me of my sister when she was that age. Just totally impossible to deal with. It's actually kind of funny because she got into the argument with me but she's mad at Craig. Makes no sense at all. Hell, even Austin told her she was jacked up but that only pissed her off more. She lost the phone and all rights to go anywhere last night. We'll see how she acts today.

So Tuesday I hit the big 4-0. I thought it would bother me but it doesn't. I could care less. I don't feel older. I still feel like I'm 25 on the inside it's just my body that isn't cooperating. Speaking of my body...

This is so random, but anyway... when I woke up this morning I was craving oatmeal. Country oatmeal. You know, where you melt the butter in it as soon as it's cooked, then add sugar and milk? Omg it was so good. But I only added a little sugar this time because I'm starting a new diet with Craig today. He looks so freaking good! He's dropped a serious amount of weight and he looks amazing! I can't believe it. Anyway, now that I've got these steroids streaking through my spinal cord again the pounds are deciding to join whatever club they think I'm in. Can't do this again so I'm cutting back on everything and starting a serious exercise program even though it's against doctors orders for my back.

So now that Craig has left I'm headed back to bed for a nap. Later!

Posted by at 7:56 AM | Permalink

So last night was a little better. Craig came home from work early and took me to dinner. It was just the two of us because Austin and his girlfriend hung around here with Kyra and Ryan went to the volleyball and football game in Joshua.

I finally told him that I'd been pretty down the last two days but hiding it when he was around. He was pretty surprised because I'd been doing a good job of hiding it this time. He asked me what was wrong so I decided just to tell him... and here it all is.

A few years ago we found out that I most likely have Restless Leg Syndrome. It sucks. I take Neurontin (or gabapentin) for it and that mostly controls it but there are times when I go to bed that it doesn't and I just sit there literally pounding on my legs trying to make the feeling stop. I've long since stopped taking pain medicine on a regular basis though there are times since then that I have given in and taken some, but it's SO far in between that it isn't worth mentioning.

Anyway, some of the symptoms were increasing and I was reading up on them and I chased a lead that I was reading on the internet and it led me to another site and finally I got to a site for Multiple Slcerosis. I didn't panic... at first. I just kept reading, and reading. And reading. I have all the classic sypmtoms, every last one.

Yes, I know I need to go to a doctor and have it all checked out and I will as soon as I wrap my mind around and sort of calm down. I'm a little scared right now.

Posted by at 7:01 AM | Permalink

It's 2:54 am and I'm awake. I hope this isn't a trend starting again. I took my medicine just a few minutes ago and I'm hoping it'll kick in soon. I don't really like how it makes me feel but I like being awake less, so the trade off seems fair.

I cooked a country dinner last night in spite of my depression. I'm learning that I've got to do things even when I feel this way, otherwise I'll just become stagnant permenantly again. Cooking that kind of meal was rather soothing and Craig thought it was fun because he certainly never had that in California and he hasn't had it in a while from me.

I wish I knew what triggered these feelings in me. Just when I think I'm getting back on track somthing happens to spin me around again. Poor Craig. He doesn't deserve to be stuck with me.

Posted by at 3:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Today I'm fighting a depression that is deeper than it has been in a while. I feel like I'm heading for a tailspin. I don't know... I'm not able to verbalize how I feel, it's sort of like there's a white hot pain in my chest and as it moves out towards my fingers it gets numb. That doesn't make any sense, I know but that's the only way I know how to put it. My brain feels like it's on fire yet when I look in the mirror my eyes look empty. I don't want to try and explain it to Craig because I feel so guilty. He doesn't deserve the shit I put him through and I guess he'll get sick of it at some point. Maybe he'll get lucky one of these days and I just won't wake up. He'll make bank on the insurance money at least. Yay.

Posted by at 4:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

My teeth are killing me! I always wait until there is a ton of work to be done before I go to the dentist and this time is no exception. I'm looking at approximately $4000 and that's WITH insurance. I have one tooth in the back that is an absolute nightmare and I am ready to just knock the fucker out.

There is almost nothing as bad as a tooth ache. This oughta be fun.

Posted by at 2:31 PM | Permalink

Get your mind out of the gutter! I don't mean THAT kind of swinging.

Now that the weather is slightly cooler I've promised Craig that I will learn to play golf. It's not that I really want to but he wants it badly so I've agreed for him. It might not seem like a big deal to most people but for me its a huge undertaking.

You see, I was born to a mother who played semi-pro softball. I grew up around it and loved it, so by the time I was 13 I was playing girls' fast pitch and womens slow pitch at the same time. By the time I was 14 I was playing Junior Olympic. I take softball seriously, even the last few years when I was just playing co-ed. Up until about 10 years ago I played in an open league, if that tells you anything.

What does that have to do with it? Well, a golf swing is totally different from a softball/baseball swing. I can hit a golf ball, but my problem is that I try to manage the golf swing in the same manner as softball and that is totally wrong. Plus, I try to power it the same way and that causes me to pull the club around at an angle.

And if all that isn't bad enough, I have another issue. Because I watched my mom from such an early age I used to go into the back yard (when I was only 3 and 4) and use her glove and pitch back. I'm left handed, she's right handed. So i learned to field like a right hander and hit left handed. Craig insists that is actually better for a golfer and he wanted me to learn to hit right handed, but I couldn't even hit the ball that way, so we bought left handed clubs.

If all this wasn't bad enough I have a husband who can play with a single digit handicap. He's not currently in the singles but that's only because he doesn't get out there as often as he'd like to, though that appears to be changing with every promotion he gets, because he is constantly taking some of his clients (CVS pharmacy... Craig is project manager at C&B and he handles the CVS account) out on golf trips and has been flown out for their golf tournaments as well. He says it's not a problem for someone like him to play with someone like me but I think its b.s. He's just being kind and I don't want to make him miserable on the golf course because I know he loves it so much.

So I'm thinking about taking some private lessons without him knowing so that I can surprise him one day. I told him that I'd start working on my swing once it cooled down some, so now that it's a bit cooler outside I'm going to start. My question is this; is it ok for me to go and practice hitting (just in the yard) while I'm at home alone during the day or do I take too much of a chance of picking up some bad habits since there wouldn't be anyone here to correct me. Or is it better to go ahead and do that just to get the hang of swinging? I don't know, but if anyone out there DOES know, please let me know.

Posted by at 3:22 PM | Permalink