KG's Hideaway

Well, with only a three month break from it we're headed back to basketball this weekend. Ryan is playing in the NCAA tournament with a group of girls from the DFW area. College coaches are here to scout the girls and Ryan has already gotten emails from the teams recruiting her that several of them are coming. In some ways that's a bit worrisome because she really hasn't been doing much in the last 6 weeks because of her ankle. We haven't told any of them about her ankle so if she plays like crap I guess it could change some of the coaches minds. But I'm excited about getting back into a gym. No matter how much I gripe.

Craig spent the last three days in Philly for a charity golf tournament for CVS. He won the long-ball hitting contest, but they took 3rd in the tournament. Who cares, really? I think golf is the most pointless game on the planet. He's tried to teach me to hit the ball but I spent too much time hitting a softball in my life so my swing is geared to that. The guys that he took me to to get my golf clubs kept saying "she can hit the ball hard!" but I just don't get it. I do wing hard, I don't mind saying that about myself. My problem is scaling my swing down instead of swinging for the fence. I'd take my swing to the bank any time... if it was baseball or softball. But golf? Maybe I just don't care enough about golf to try and learn. I'm just not the golfing type. blech.

Posted by at 3:02 PM | Permalink

I didn't sleep well last night and I'm really hoping that I can fall asleep here in the next hour or so. I wanted to work on my scrapbooking stuff today but I'm totally unmotivated.

Soooooo, yeah. That's it.

Posted by at 8:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I got so much crap done over the weekend the only thing there is for me to do today is pick up things and dust my bedroom. That'll teach me to clean.

The letters are still coming at Ryan and she's having fun emailing the schools who are recruiting her. They want her schedule for school games and any outside teams she's playing with. She's playing in a NCAA tournament this weekend in Dallas and its with a bunch of girls she's never played with, but they're all well known players from the DFW area so it ought to be fun.

Soooooooooooooo, yeah. That's it. Great way to start the week. Bored.

Posted by at 2:58 PM | Permalink

Could someone please tell me why this can't ever happen to me?

Posted by at 6:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Something seriously has to be wrong with me. My cooking & cleaning crusade has not only remained intact through the weekend, it got worse.

I woke up around 9 this morning. I immediately set about making a homemade chocolate cake. I even made the frosting. (I did this a couple of weeks ago, too). Then Ryan came in and asked if I'd cook luch. Well, I was already in there so I started cooking a big lunch. BIG. I decided we'd have a big lunch and then just eat baked potatos and salad for dinner. To go along with Craig's diet. (he's lost a shitload of weight!)
It didn't stop there. I also scoured the kitchen top to bottom again AND did everyone's laundry. I hate laundry. I'd be happier if someone gauged out my eyeballs with toothpics than to do laundry. So I VOLUNTEER it??? WTF?

I stopped doing pretty much everything a couple of years ago when I sort of fell into this depression. My dog had just been killed by the police, we were in a custody battle with Craig's ex (we won, thank God) and I was really down about my back not getting better. The house stopped getting cleaned by me, so when it did get cleaned it wasn't done the way it should. But I'm finding myself enjoying those things again.

Maybe I'll feel better next weekend! LOL

Posted by at 4:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I did a shitload of laundry and got the rest of the house clean... finally. I still need to do some work in the front livingroom but that's no big deal because we don't really use that one unless someone is just desperate to get away from everyone else.

We met Ryan's new boyfriend last night. Jeremy is TALL. Ryan is 6'2 and he towers over her. He took her out to dinner then they just came back here to watch a movie. He's very cute... and she's very excited about him!

Other than that there's nothing going on. Nothing, just the way I like it.

Posted by at 9:21 AM | Permalink

In light of the heavily published reports that Osama bin Laden is either seriously ill or dead I caught myself thinking, "Good. I hope that son of a bitch IS dead!" Seems reasonable after all he's accused to orchestrating.

But then I caught myself and just wondered, "Do I really want to wish someone dead?" The answer is I don't. I do hope he's captured and made to pay for his crimes, whatever they may be.

Posted by at 2:36 PM | Permalink

I woke up early this morning because I had a nightmare about rats. Big, nasty rats. We've got a mouse in our garage again and it never fails to cause a string of nightmares when we get them. They freak me right the hell out. Mice, snakes, spiders, crickets... you name it. If I see it, I'll have nightmares.

I went into the kitchen to make some toast and as I was buttering it I started thinking about my grandmother. She was so picky about her toast, if you can believe that. The butter had to be spread completely corner to corner or she wouldn't eat it. Quirky, but cute. I miss her so much. My grandfather, too but I've had more time to adjust to not having him around. I miss being able to tell them anything, and I do mean ANYthing, and get really good advice and never feeling like I was being judged. My grandparents were really progressive. They were both raised very conservately (my grandmother was Amish-Menonite) but that didn't stop them from really changing with the times. They were the ultimate "cool" grandparents. The best. God, how I miss them!

Posted by at 8:24 AM | Permalink

I'm so glad the weekend is here. I have been feeling so crappy and I really just want the opportunity to hang out with Craig. I love days where we'll just pretty much stay in bed and do nothing, and I'm looking forward to that tomorrow. I hope he doesn't have other plans.

They've nominated him at work for associate partner (I think that's what he called it). That means he gets to share in the profits of the company plus a pretty big raise. He doesn't think he'll get it, at least he says he doesn't think so, but I think he's just trying to keep from getting too excited about it.

Ryan has a date on Saturday night. She's really excited because it's finally a guy that's taller than her. He's 6 '5 and any of the other guys she's dated are only right about her same height (6ft 2in). She's going to the football game tonight to watch him play. I haven't seen her this excited about a guy in a while.

My epidural yesterday hurt worse than any of them he's done before. They knock me out before they do it but after about 2 hours it hurts like hell. This isn't an epidural like when you have a kid. I mean, the proceedure is the same, but the placement of the needle can be anywhere (I've had them in my neck, too) and it doesn't make anything numb. He injects a steroid and other meds to help with pain. This time he did L1-3 and my sciatic nerve. It's causing me alot of pain right now but it should be better within a couple of days. I have to get 2 more in the next 2 months and that should take care of things for a while.

Once again I woke up at 4am but this time it was because I couldn't breathe. Hopefully this medicine has kicked in and I can go back to sleep now. Ciao!

Posted by at 5:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I've got an epidural today. That sucks because the steriods always make me a total bitch for about 3 weeks. This is probably not the best time for me to get bitchier. Ha!

(edit 9:52am) I'm home and it all went smoothly, but I hurt like a son of a bitch. I've got two more of them coming up, one in October and one in November. He did this right at the base of my spine and then another that would block my sciatic nerve. Hopefully this will help some of the tingling in my legs!!

And now it's back to bed for the doctor ordered bedrest. He doesn't like pumping all these steriods through me while I'm sick already. The steriods are going to make me even bitchier but for now all I can think about is finding a way to breathe.

Posted by at 5:41 AM | Permalink

Oh boy, I might have started something here. I was telling Craig about the "Dirty Sanchez" and now everyone has used the term at least once (with the exception of Kyra) and we all just bust out laughing. I know it's wrong... I'm a bad, bad girl. I should be punished. I should be reprimanded. I should be spanked like a... whoops. Went just a bit too far, huh? Spent too much time on that damn urban dictionary today. Blame it all on them!!

Ryan and I are still giggling over the stuff that made us laugh at 4am and for some reason it's all still just as funny. Terribly, hysterically funny. And I have no clue why.

They never should have let me have kids. Really.

Posted by at 7:07 PM | Permalink

God, I'm dying. I fell asleep around 10am and woke up about 3 with that horrible feeling that my head is somehow detached from my body and rolling down a hill. I feel dizzy just walking across the room. Ryan slept in here last night (since Craig still can't comfortably lay flat since his surgery he sleeps in the recliner) and she woke up sounding just like me. Oh well, we'd all get it eventually anyway.

I don't know how the hell I made it this long without reading it but if you haven't seen THIS you need to. OMG this has some of the funniest terms in it I've ever seen. For example, if you're feeling froggy look up "Dirty Sanchez." Gross! I sat here giggling (and coughing) for a while just clicking on different words to see their meanings. Give it a shot.

I'm going back to my deathbed.

Posted by at 3:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Blech. I hate being sick. I can't smell or taste anything, not that I'm even willing to eat. Kyra requested my homemade made chili for dinner last night and I couldn't even taste it. Oh well, at least it doesn't take much effort. Tonight I'm putting steaks on the grill (gag) so it won't bother me to skip dinner at all. I'm not a big red meat eater. I have to be SERIOUSLY craving it to eat it.

I've got to finish getting Ryan signed up for the SAT's in 3 weeks. Because I waited so long it's going to cost a little more, but I don't want her to have to try and take it during the middle of basketball season, though I do predict the need for her to take it again. She has dyslexia so testing can make her nervous and really slow her down. I guess we'll see.

I'm just ready for us to get down to business and decide where she's gonna go and get it all lined up. Hopefully, it'll all be done no later than spring, but ulitmately it'll be her decision and if the school she wants isn't offering she may hold out to see if it comes through. My nerves might not survive that, damnit. (Jamie, this is what caused your blood pressure stuff. I KNOW it! LOL)

Posted by at 6:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

OMG I'm so overwhelmed! Ryan's coach says we need to make sure we're emailing all the schools who are writing her about recruiting so we started that last night. Crap, there's alot of ground to cover. The ones that are coming at her the hardest right now are Colorado University and Kansas State (from the Big 12) Arkansas (from the SEC) Oregon State (from the PAC 10) is perhaps being the pushiest, UNT is interested in her for both sports and will let her compete in both, Rice (from Conference USA) Kent State (MidAmerica), Vanderbilt (SEC), and Princenton. There are several others but these are the ones that come to mind right now. Plus, there are a shitload of smaller schools.
(edit: Fresno State, Boston College, Univ. of Calif at San Diego, Univ. of New Mexico, Southeast Louisiana, Furman, Univ. Lousiana at Monroe to name a few)

I don't see her having a realistic shot at Vanderbilt and Princeton but they're coming at her hard and that's nice. Vanderbilt event sent this whole "press" thing that has a headline saying, Crowley's Ryan Green commits to Vandy. Pretty cool.

Anyway, just trying to start a regular dialog going. We'll see where it goes!

Posted by at 4:19 PM | Permalink

They're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!! Finally! I've missed them sooooooo much. Four long months without two of my favorites can leave a girl feeling, well, you know. It's time for Spader and Shatner to do their "thang". It's time for Boston Legal!!! It doesn't get better than this! This is the best show on television, folks. It's funny, it's sad, it's crass, it's everything. It's a show that makes you think about things in a way you never thought you'd have to. And I get to start doing that tonight!!! Yay.

On another note, Ryan had her first basketball scrimmage last night since the ankle injury. TCU was there to watch. She played really well, surprisingly. I don't mean that bad about HER I just figured she'd play bad, or tenatively because of the ankle but she came out screaming, and won the tip then stole the ball on the first defensive posession and took it all the way for a layup. She then turned around and played full court defense (the only girl on either team to do so), picking her girl up at the free throw line on the other side of the court. She looked fantastic, with several steals. I have no clue what her stats were because Craig didn't keep them but she scored plenty, rebounded alot and stole the ball several times. That's enough for me. She reported no problems with her ankle, even after we got home. I don't know if she iced it or not, though she should have whether it hurt or not.

I guess all this excitement allowed whatever virus I was trying to get, to finally break through because I woke up sick as a dog. My sinuses are just... well, gross. I'm really claustrophobic, so when my sinuses are blocked all hell breaks loose. I knew all that motivation crap would bring me nothing but misery!!

Posted by at 8:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'm not sure why I didn't notice it or why someone else didn't bring it to my attention (cough, cough, JAMIE, cough) but there are some serious issues that needed to be brought to my attention and somehow they just slipped past everyone (mostly me) unnoticed.

I've been motivated to DO things. WTF? When did this shit start happening? Helloooooooooo? Doesn't God remember how he made me? Umm, motivated was NOT part of my repertoire, I promise you. But slowly and surely things are getting done. Meals are being cooked. People are actually talking and being nice for more than about 5 seconds (but still less than 5 minutes, so that part's still good!!!) It's absolute BEDLAM I can assure you!

After scrubbing out all the kitchen cabinets with Pinesol this weekend I've actually been walking through my house to take a look and see what I want to do next. What am I thinking? God, I'm going to have to go about this surreptitiously, and maybe they won't notice. If they do, I'm a gonner. They'll come to expect it and then there'll be no helping me. Gah!!

On a strange note: This weekend someone went into the front bathroom and pretty much died. It was gross. So I went in with Pinesol (since the rest of the house already smelled like it) to try and save the rest of us. It didn't help. At that point it just smelled like someone in my house took a crap beside a pine tree.

Posted by at 1:42 PM | Permalink

I swear, just when you think that people can't surprise you, they jump right the hell up and do it.

First, I actually surprised myself by taking crap out of my cabinets, scrubbing them out and putting them back. Not fun. I got about half of it done this afternoon. I threw so many baking dishes and pots away. Too many duplicates! Tomorrow, it's the pantry and the cabinets with food. ALOT is getting thrown out. Alot. There's just too much crap in there.

Second- Marshall and I had made plans to take Ryan to dinner TOGETHER, yes you read that right, on Friday night for her birthday but I was worried things would unravel. So Thursday night he calls me to bitch me out, yelling as he does it, for something that Austin did and for the fact that Austin hasn't called him. I told him first off he'd better back the hell off. Second, Austin is 19 and that pretty much puts him in the category of "Mom can't make him call anyone". Third, Austin was standing right beside me the entire time and Marshall never once asked to talk to him, and that's pretty much the same thing he's accusing HIM of doing. Of course, he started screaming and calling names, telling me I'm always protecting him. That caught me off guard. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do???? Whatever. I asked him that if this is how the dinner was gonna go and he said, and I quote, "I won't say a fuckin' word to you at dinner!" So I said, "Fair enough."

Then, Ryan heard what was up and said she didn't want to do all of this if everyone was just going to be mad. Who can blame her? I wasn't mad but I was more than irritated. Well, Austin was furious so he finally DID call Marshall and when Marshall didn't answer he left a message that left even MY chin hanging. He told him not to fucking ever talk to his mother that way... and that's about all I can repeat because I was so caught off guard I don't think I heard the rest.

So I called Marshall a little later to cancel Ryan's dinner. I didn't want her birthday ruined and it was surely headed that way. He didn't answer so I left a message for him to call me. He called back a few minutes later and when I told him we should probably just cancel he caught me so far off guard I damn near fell out of my chair. He apologized. WTF? I met Marshall in 1981 when I was 14. I was with him until 1997. 25 years and I don't think I've ever heard him say I'm sorry except 1 time. It took me probably 30 seconds to recover and then I just said I accepted his apology and if he wanted to we'd just forget it all happened and just move forward. He said he'd been having a very emotional week and he wasn't feeling very emotionally stable right now. I'm guessing that he and the girlfriend he was thinking of marrying must have broken up.

So Marshall and his mother joined Ryan, Kyra, Craig and I for dinner at Ryan's favorite restaurant and $200 worth of grub later she had a good dinner. I'd taken her to the mall earlier in the evening (we didn't meet them until 8pm) and she picked out a great outfit and only spent $100 so I think she did a great job. Marshall and his mother took her to the Texas Tech football game today. I have no idea why they think she would want to go to that but they do so she went. Its ridiculous, but she wants to make them happy and his parents are from Lubbock and then Marshall went to Texas Tech so they cram that shit up my kids' ass every chance they get. Not a chance in hell either of my kids'll be goin' there, though.

So all in all it turned out to be a good birthday for Ryan. I can't believe she's 17. It's even harder to believe that in a year she'll be 18 and Austin will be 20. When did I get that old??? Shit.

Posted by at 4:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

My husband has a "thing" for my accent. I don't get it, I really don't. If you ask me, I don't have one, but my whole life I've been teased about it. Even by my own family. I live in Texas. Even worse, Ft. Worth, Texas. Worse than that, I don't even live in the city. I'm from the country. The sticks. My mother's family is from Nebraska, but my dad's family is from here. Get the picture? So there's this weird mixture in my family of who has an accent and who doesn't. I guess I do.

So anyway. My husband loves it, but he always tells me he can't hear it anymore. I tell him it's just because he LIVES here now and everyone has an accent. Hell, HE'S even developing one! I know that I tend to drop the "g" or "t" at the end of a word. It just seems pointless to say all the letters if you get the same result with less work. Get me?

I don't so much like my own accent as I really DON'T like northern accents. I know that sounds snobby, and I don't mean it to be that way but it just sort of gets on my nerves. I was watching A&E earlier and it was a show set in Boston (talk about a horrible accent!!) and I almost couldn't take it!! Don't they know how that sounds??? I'm sure they hate our accent, too. Don't they? They have to.

Now, on a not so positive note; I had a horrible night. Ryan's home sick. I've got a migraine (probably brought on by those accents) so I'm going to bed for some sleep. I only got about an hours sleep last night. Craig is still having to sleep in the recliner in the livingroom because of his surgery, so Ryan slept in here last night. She tossed and turned all night because she was sick. Well, since she was in here he damn cat was in here. Since the cat was in here the dogs tossed and turned and constantly were in and out of the bed. It was a fucking mexican hat dance all night. I could have taken on a night job and gotten more sleep than I did last night, so I'm out. G'night!!

Posted by at 11:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I know you've been waiting for it. I have hardly had a single post about him all year. I didn't want to jinx the whole thing and have it end up like last year. Oh, what a mess that was.

Here's my ALLtime favorite picture of him. Tell me you wouldn't like a shot at him. Tell me you wouldn't. Liar!!!

But its a new day and he's BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Not to mention quite yummy (still)! I'm not saying he's gonna win it all, but I'm puttin' my money on top 5. Whaddaya say?

The only thing hotter than HIM is him in his car screaming down the racetrack going 200mph, like this. Go ahead and look at that car and tell me it isn't hot, hot, hot!!!

Unless this happens.

Of course, its still pretty awesome when this happens and he just walks away scraping away the loose grass. He's a badass in a badass red car. I love him. But you know that, didn't you?

Well, he's made the Chase and is eligible for a run during the last 10 races for a shot at the title (called the Chase for the NASCAR Nextel Cup Championship). For most of us longtime fans, we still call it Winston Cup and refuse to call it anything else. hrmph!

Posted by at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

All of my life I've heard my parents say they remember where they were when JFK was killed, when MLK was killed. Hell, even when RFK was killed. They remember what they were doing when they heard we'd landed on the moon. I always thought that was so strange when I was younger. There were so many things to remember, how and WHY do you take the time to remember where you WERE and what you were DOING when you heard that someone had died? For Pete's sake.

I was prepared to grow up thinking there would only be a few times I would know exactly where I was at precisely "THIS" time. At 6pm on 05-25-85 I was at the First Baptist Church in Crowley to Make The Worst Mistake of My Life. At 8pm (exactly) on 8-12-87 I was at All Saints Hosp. in Ft. Worth to deliver Austin. on 9-15-89 I was back again to deliver Ryan. And so on... you get the point.

But this wasn't to be the case.

Instead, this is the list I/we were given. Delta flight 191 (strange that I remember the flight number, even after all this time) crashed at DFW airport. The pictures were awful to look at, but it was even worse to see first hand as I did. The fuselage looked like the bones of a charred monster.

Then on January 28, 1986 I was walking through Foley's department store (always shopping, even way back then!!! YAY!) where I stopped in the electronics department to watch the liftoff of the space shuttle Challenger. Never, ever, did I expect to watch it disintegrate not long after liftoff.

The morning of February 1, 2003 I woke up rather startled and confused. I heard what I thought was a train slamming into our house. Our entire house shook. Even our dogs were shaken. It lasted for several seconds, it wasn't just a quick "boom" and then done. Craig had lived in So. California for most of his life and had heard a Sonic Boom before. (the Concord- plus he's actually seen the shuttle land at one of the various places before) So he KNEW that was a sonic boom, and I figured maybe one of the planes at Carswell got carried away and broke the sound barrier... big deal. The politicians around here would make a big deal about it but the rest of us would love it and we'd move on. Blah blah blah. That was not to be the case. As we all know, yet another space shuttle disaster was at hand. Columbia had disintegrated over Texas and we'd heard the Sonic boom as it entered. Another time I won't forget where I was.

September 11, 2005. We all know. We all remember. We all hurt. We all will never forget. Isn't this enough?

Posted by at 12:48 PM | Permalink

I need a rev limiter. It should have come with my DNA, but the good Lord decided they really only needed them in high octane machines. I'm not a high octane machine, but when I'm made, I burn white hot... and today was no exception to that rule.

It started off with me taking Kyra shopping after I got up this morning. I got her some really cute new jeans, shirts and shoes. Really cute stuff that shows her age a little more. Craig is starting to be ok with the fact that she's growing up and he even liked the clothes. The last several shopping trips I've done for her over the last month or two he hasn't had one complaint about. (Who'da thunk it????)

Anyway, I came home and actually cooked. Again. I mean, it's like becoming a regular thing. Almost like a real mom or something. I've got to be careful before someone starts expecting too much from me. Can't have that crap goin' on.

Oh yeah, back to cookin' (my A.D.D. again... sorry!) Everybody in this house decided to come in the kitchen and take a shit. (Figuratively, not literally. But I'm sure you knew that!) I don't want to talk to a single one of them. Including my husband. The same one I bragged about 48hours ago. Piss on 'em all! LOL

SO, they're all fed. They can clean themselves. There's only football on tonight (no Big Brother ::sob::) but I'm sure I'll TiVo the Manning on Manning rivalry with Papa Manning watching and catch it tomorrow. Then again, I'm sure it will be all over ESPN all week. So, I'm going to bed to read and hopefully fall asleep for hours and hours. Gnight!

Posted by at 6:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We're looking into getting Austin into a CAD program (computer aided design) or something. He really doesn't want to go to "school" right now and I don't blame him, but he wants to go to a trade school so he can just go through a focused education. That way he'll only have to take classes that have to do with the field he wants to work in, not history and science and all that other crap.

It's frustrating because he DOES want to get an engineering degree, just not right now. He doesn't understand how hard it us to go back to school later on. But Craig said he hires in his drafters at around $17-20/hr so Austin is either going to go through an entire trade program, which can vary between 9-15 months or just go through a CAD program at the local community college, which takes 3 months. If he takes the 3 month program Craig said he'll do some additional taining here at home with Austin and get him ready and then hire him on at work.

If Austin got that done it would be a great start for Austin, and to be honest he could make a nice living off that for the rest of his life whether he got a degree or not. There are plenty of people at Craig's company that don't have degrees and they're making $60-80k a year. It's not a ton of money, but he could support himself. It's where Craig started when he started with that company 6 years ago. It was a big cut in pay for Craig when we moved back from California and it scared that hell out of him to take that cut in pay, but this company does NICE increases on a very quick and regular schedule and they take good care of their people. It would be a good place for Austin. Great place... for anyone, really.

Today, actually yesterday, has been a better day. I didn't sleep well Friday night because I stayed on the phone with my mom until almost 4am and then didn't fall asleep until 6am so I slept until sometime in the afternoon when Craig got home from playing golf. He won his golf tournament, so I was happy for him ;0)

All I really did yesterday was work a little bit on dusting and cleaning my bedroom during the race and then I went back to bed. Craig was exhausted, too. I guess it was probably too soon after his surgery for him to try and play golf, but he needed to get out. All in all, I think we both just needed to slough off the stress from the week. That was our anniversary present to eachother.

It was good talking to my mom. We spent alot of time talking about things that happened after my grandmother died. That's right when my mom and I had our falling out so there were so many things I didn't know and it also explained alot about what went on between my mom and I. She said that she feels really bad about all the things that happened back then, and I believe her and accept it, but it's all still really hurtful. What started it wasn't my fault and she knows that (now) but once that fight got going and I got backed into a corner I came out swinging. If ANYone does that to me, it gets ugly and it gets ugly quick. I go for the jugular. I aim to hurt because I can't stand to be in that position and many times that's the only way to get someone off of you and make the situation "just stop".

Posted by at 3:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'm sitting in my room alone tonight. Actually, that's not true. Ryan's in here but she's asleep. I miss Craig being in our bed, but right now he has to sleep sort of sitting up because of his surgery so for the last week (since his surgery) he's slept in the recliner so that he can breath ok. It's really hard on him, but he's really fighting hard. Ryan is tossing around in my bed and getting her legs twisted in my blanket. Still, it's quiet in here and it's dark with only the light from the monitor and one small candle to light the room. It's the first peaceful moment I've felt in the last 48hours. In almost exactly 48hours. I keep coming back to the fact that I want Craig back in here. Nothing really feels right when he's not, but hopefully it will only be another few nights.

Craig is an emotional rock. He's the anchor in a scary, stormy sea of swirling black water that is threating to pull our family under. I am forever greatful to God for sending this man to me when I've done nothing in my life to deserve him. Our kids deserve him, but I don't. I guess God throws some of us a life raft when he'd probably originally meant to let us drown.

Right now is a tough time for us. Not for Craig and I in our marriage (thank God!!) but for our family. We're experiencing something that is terribly frightening and if I can get through the next several months without killing myself or Craig because of the stress I'm under then I think we'll be able to survive anything.

In church not too long ago the minister talked about how we all go to bed at night and say our prayers and ask God for the things we need, but rarely do we go to bed and thank God for the blessings in life. During a very dark moment this week, at the lowest and scariest point I can ever remember in my life, I stopped to thank God for the blessings in my life instead of asking for anything else. Maybe my cup had just "runneth over" too soon in my life and it's finally just time to pay the piper... I don't know. I just know that I've got a fight on my hands.

If it's not too much to ask, and if you believe in a higher power... any higher power at all... whomever your God is, I'd like to ask that you keep us in your prayers for a while. We could really use them. It's not anything like my marriage is on the line or anything, but we're facing a tough issue and we could use all the prayers we can get. I guess we all can, huh?

Today is my 7th wedding anniversary. 9-9-99 was the day we were married. It was a Thursday, if you can believe that Craig picked this day to get married because he said he couldn't ever forget it. It also went well with my birthday (10-10) and he said that's just too good to pass up. Uhhhh, ok... Sure. Whatever you say. Just show up there buddy. Don't crap out on me, then blame it on something else!! Especially with an easy date like that! Really, who gets married on a Thursday unless you're in Vegas?

In the past we've both bought each other some fairly extravagant gifts for anniversaries, birthdays and Christmases. We have spent several thousand dollars on the remodeling job for the master bed/bath; A couple thousand more than we'd planned and that's more than enough for a gift. So I'm writing him a letter about the 8 years we've spent together because I think it's sort of gift. Not exactly unique, but at least he'll know that some thought went into it. God, how I love that man. I hope everyone else is a lucky as I feel!

I guess I don't really know the point of this post. These two things have nothing to do with eachother except that I KNOW I could never deal with one issue if I didn't have the other one to support me. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Indian giver. LOL. Watch out for lightening cuz I'm pretty sure it's headed my way. haha

Ciao!!

Posted by at 5:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I've had alot of things on my mind this week. Some of it is just interesting, some of it bad, but most of it good. I was watching some shows I'd TiVo'd over the last week or so since Craig's surgery and at the end of Windfall they had this AMAZING cover of Aerosmith's Dream On. I've always been an Aerosmith fan (a child of the 80's, what can I say???) and the version at the end of Windfall might have actually been just as good. It was a woman singing and she flat rocked it out. I loved it. Even Craig noticed how good it was. I'll attach the lyrics to the end of this post as it's really a poignant song if you ask me.

But since we're talking about rock I'm so LOVING Supernova again. The last week or two have really been boring as Dilana is self destructing. Lukas was laughable last night!! I couldn't believe that Dave liked it and Gilby chimed in agreeing with him. I haven't been a Lukas fan at all, but during his original song Tommy Lee could be seen laughing. LAUGHING. I had to back the TiVo up to show Craig, it was so funny. Then, during the critique session after Dave and Gilby were so obviously on crack or something because they LOVED it, Tommy Lee looks around at the crowd and asked incredulously, "Did y'all like that????" To which, the crowd replies halfheartedly, "yeah" As expected, Jason Newsted (Metallica) had little to say. I think Tommy Lee really wanted to say, "WTF was THAT?????" And the crowd would have loved him even more for asking it!!

Storm's original song was dirty and raw and I loved it! She's not my favorite, but she may have been my favorite last night! But Toby probably pulled in the highest vote. He rocked the house, while Magni is probably gettin' a plane ticket home. I've just about had enough of his boring ass. Be gone!!!

Anyway, here are the promised lyrics to an awesome song. Aerosmith's Steven Tyler knows how to write 'em.

Now that the college scouts can call or email or send letters, they are doing it by the truck loads. I didn't think the September 1st of their junior year would really mean they WOULD... I just thought it meant that they COULD. Interesting. As far as I'm concerned, keep callin'. Know what I mean?

Posted by at 6:26 PM | Permalink

I talked to Marshall today and he is willing to start paying a little extra to help with Ryan's travel expenses to go toward getting her seen by college scouts. We've been getting some calls this weekend, and that caught me totally off guard. I mean, I knew they could start calling as of September 1st, but I really didn't think it would happen her Junior year. Guess I was wrong.

We even got a college scouting service who called and wanted to promote her and is really touting her. He gave me the website to go and see what he's got there. Here is a picture that I stole from all it of. I really like this picture os her because it's kind of like she's a pretty girly girl, but still playing ball... if that makes any sense. She's the white girl in the black uniform, closest to the screen.

Anyway, this is where it all starts, I supose. It's kinda scary. We leave for a blue chip ranking camp on October 1st. We just have to decide which site we want to go to. At least she got invited. That's pretty exciting. They only invite the top 150 in the country, do here we go!

Posted by at 11:26 PM | Permalink

I can't really go into it, but this has the potential to get ugly. I mean Chocolate Starfish ugly. This makes it clear to my sister that if she doesn't straighten up, my parents have the power to take the baby away. They won't, but they could... if she insists on having an alcoholic and a serious drug traffiker in her life. I guess it'll be a wait and see game with Rusti to see what she does.

I'm trying very hard to stay out of all the mess. I'd really rather not know, but there is a part of me that wants to be able to warn her in case things start to get rough, but she's got to stop lying to mom and dad and that will make things a lot easier for her. Lying never helps and she just doesn't understand that.

Maybe this will let her see that there is about to be a big ass change in our family. I don't know, but if I were her I wouldn't pass up on the good stuff. She will, though, and she'll do it all the while blaming someone else. This totally sucks, damnit. THIS SUCCKS!!!!

On a lighter note, it was great having my niece here and in my arms

Posted by at 1:13 PM | Permalink