KG's Hideaway

10-31-05 5:51pm

Ok, first things first. Here's this:

Your Hair Should Be Red

Passionate, fiery, and sassy. You're a total smart aleck who's got the biggest personality around.

It suits me, I think. I used to have red hair, but now I just get highlights and lowlights done. More expensive (twice the price) but well worth it, if you ask me.

Craig and I are headed out to the Keg tonight for some steak and lobster. I love The Keg because I like my steak cooked at a MINIMUM medium well, and the thought of seeing blood anywhere near my food makes me ill. Yes, I'm a Texan (and from cowtown Fort Worth, at that) but that doesn't mean that I have to like blood mixed with my red meat.

So I'm headed out the door and will be back later! Ciao! kdgr

Posted by at 6:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

10-31-05 9:37am

I had the BEST weekend! My 20 year reunion was Saturday night, and I had the best time! I was really dreading it, but it turned out just fine. It was so great to see people that I hadn't seen in a long time, though many of us still live in our little town. Most of us still live in the Ft. Worth/Dallas area but we got rooms at the Hilton and partied the night away afterwards. I didn't know about the room until after the reunion when Craig pulled into the HIlton parking lot and got our bags out of the trunk. I was still sober at that point, but once all of us got to our rooms, changed into something much more comfortable and broke out the alcohol I didn't stay sober for long. It was just a great night, and I think we're all looking forward to reconnecting and staying closer. Craig and I didn't come home until late last night, and I was still exhausted even this morning, but I've got too many errands to run to stay home.

Ryan's basketball season starts tomorrow night and we've got to go to Birdville for that game. That pisses me off, but I guess it has to be done. I'm just glad we're back to playing though I think our season is going to be awful. We graduated 6 seniors last year and one of the two seniors we've got this year that will be contirbuting to the team is out already because she tore her ACL. The other one is a post, like Ryan and the rest of them got put on Varsity because they're seniors... not because they're good. Great. Coach Neff put another freshman on the team this year, and though she won't contribute much this year it will help next year in the post position because Ryan will be the senior post player even though she'll only be a junior. We'll see.

Alright, gotta get out of here and run my errands! Bye!

Posted by at 9:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

10-23-05 1:46am

Well, it appears that my life of hell is continuing through the weekend. Lack of sleep finally caught up with me about 6:30 last night and I fell asleep. It was perfect. Until 12:43 am, when my husband changed the channel on the tv and a Chris Rock commedy thing was on. I wanted so badly to be asleep, but instead I found myself....giggling. In spite of myself. That then turned into real laughing, Soon, I was damn near screaming from laughing so hard. Jeeez, it was funny but it came at a high price.

So I guess I'll write about how I resolved the issues with the kids. For once, I really thought about what I wanted to say instead of just yelling and going on and on like I normally do. My ADD even affects how I discipline the kids so I sometimes go off on tangents (just like I do on here) and lose my original thought.

The first one I dealt with was Ryan. I still didn't scream at her due largely to the fact that she seemed to be beating herself up way worse than I would have. It was obvious she'd spent much of the night crying because her eyes were puffy and she was really down. I asked her why she was upset, figuring she'd just tell me that she was upset about losing her privileges again. Instead, she told me that she doesn't even know why she consistantly does what she KNOWS will create distrust from me. She admitted that she had mostly planned ahead of time to lie about where they were going... and she didn't know why. So I decided that I needed to think a little bit more about this before I dealt with her. I just got the feeling that this was a pivotal discussion and I wanted to think it through.

Shortly after that, Austin came into my room. We discussed my "discovery" at length. I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say that his Lexus has little chance of moving out of my driveway any time soon. At least not with him behind the wheel. Ok wait, that's not exactly true because I had to let him take it to the repair guy today to see what exactly is wrong with the front end. He's worried because where the roof is caved in around the sunroof the paint started chipping and appears to already have started rusting. I told him to go buy a can of primer because I'm not going to fix that right now. But then, his roommates dad called Austin to tell him that he's sell him his Mazda. This car is sweet. All leather, not a scratch on it, sunroof, 6 cd changer, tinted windows... just a really nice car and we can get it for next to nothing. I am going to buy the car, but I'm not going to let Austin have it for a while. I told him that if I even suspect any bullshit, not only will he not have a car- I will pull him out of school and cut him off financially. I'm not going to play around with this. At all. He KNOWS I don't screw around when I make threats like this. When he was a freshman in high school I kept getting calls from his teachers because he wasn't taking his ADD meds so he couldn't hardly sit still in class. I told him that if I got one more call I would get up each morning and go to school with him. Walk him to each class and pull up a chair beside his desk and babysit him so that all his friends could see. He didn't take me at my word. Trust me when I tell you that he learned VERY quick that I wasn't playing. I never got another call from a teacher the entire time he was in school. So I'm hoping this goes the same way.

About an hour passes and Ryan came into my room to get something. I decided to go ahead and just lay it all out. I told her that the WORST part of what I feel isn't anger.. it's distrust and disappointment. She said that she did it because it was what her friend wanted, but I said that's bullshit. Besides, I've always told her that she doesn't have to be a leader all the time. But if she's going to be a follower then she'd better make sure she follows a leader that knows where the hell they're going. The funny thing is, I haven't told her what her punishment is, but she obviously knows not to ask for anything right now. Her cell phone is sitting here on my desk as well as her home phone. I didn't know that she could put a phone down without surgical excision, but it appears that it can, and did, happen.

After we were done talking, I hugged her and told her I loved her. She hung on for a long time and I felt my shirt getting wet from her tears. I suspect there is something else going on, but she insists that she's just disappointed in herself because she always pushes the limits that are set for her. I tried, ineffectually, to explain that kids are supposed to do that. That's how you learn what you can and can't do, but there's no way for her to truly understand that; just as I didn't when my dad tried to explain it to me. Because, for a kid, it makes no sense to tell them that they are supposed to do something that will obviously get them in trouble. Oh well, I think she and I have taken a big step towards understanding each other and I think/hope that, by not yelling at her and just trying to talk through the situation, we've stepped up to a new plane.

Strangely enough, I feel sort of proud of myself for how I handled these situations today. I've really wanted to make some changes in how I deal with the kids and today is the first time that I feel like I've followed through with it. I don't want to end up with the same type of relationship with them that I have with my parents. It's just so unhealthy, not to mention destructive and mean spirited. I want my kids to be happy, healthy, well adjusted kids. I've long ascribed to the belief that it is not my job to be a "friend" to my kids. It's my job to teach them to be the type of person that I want to be a friend to when they are adults. Austin, being 18, is getting close. He's making some stupid choices but I'm really proud of who/what he is. Like me, people can only take him in small doses because he can be a really overbearing kind of person. He makes it his personal quest to make everyone laugh all the time. Often, it is inappropriate. Ryan will be/is a wonderful person and will be just lovely. She's kind hearted and sweet and people really like her. Kyra is still figuring it all out. Speaking of Kyra, I found it highly ironic that she was the only kid who stayed off my shit list today. Good for her!

So all in all, it turned out okay today. We'll have to see where all this goes, but I have high hopes for it. I just really feel good about today and I don't totally understand that. I've got to figure out the situation with Austin and his car(s) though. I'm not sure if I want to sell the Lexus or fix it and let Ryan have it. I'm leaning towards ditching it. The Mazda is a really nice car. These are the kind of people who having nothing in their garage except their cars, and it's still swept out every Saturday morning. Everything around them is pristine and they work on their cars themselves. They really enjoy that, so they know each and every thing that is wrong with the car. He told Austin that it's using oil pretty heavily because the valve cover is leaking. He said it won't last but about another 20,000 miles until it has to be repaired, but when I called our mechanic to see how much that would cost, he told me it would only be around $800. Even throwing that in with the price of the car and it's still a STEAL. They are practically GIVING him the car... $1000, just because they really like him. They have several cars, including two old Mustangs that they have totally redone themselves, and this car just sits there because they drive other cars. I can't pass this up.

Alright, I guess I'm done. I'm going to have to learn to paraphrase or something. My posts are so freakin' long... sheesh. night! kdgr

Posted by at 3:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

10-22-05 6:27am

Why the FUCK am I up at this unGODly hour? It's not that I woke up, it's that I haven't been to bed yet. I'm ready to choke at least one of my children, and beat another one til he screams for mercy. What the fuck happened to my perfect little bubble?

Before I go into this, I just want to say that I know I brag on my kids way too much for some people. I get that. But I'm a firm believer that ALL parents should think their kids are the smartest, funniest, cutest, everything-est kids on the planet. That's how it's supposed to be, right? So I'm pissed off at them right now, but it'll pass... so... here goes:

Austin is about to get himself into trouble. I can see it coming. I was the recipient of a little message today that I wasn't meant to hear. I really want to throttle him right now, but I think he's just about at his limit.

Last Friday, he came home for some stuff and left to go back to Stephenville about 9. It's about an hour and 15 minute drive for him, so when my cell phone range 30 minutes into it I knew it was bad. He'd gotten run off the road in Grandbury (did I write about this?). A car ran him into a median (on a bridge!!!) and he hit a yield sign that busted completely through the sunroof and came into the passenger seat. Luckily, we found another Lexus at a junkyard so he pulled the sunroof out of that one and put it in his car. The roof is still caved in a little but he'll get that fixed later on. But he was really at the end of his rope that day because he and Amanda had finally decided to call it quits. She really didn't appreciate Austin being "caught on tape" licking the thigh of two lesbians who were having sex in one of his buddies dorm room... with about 20 guys watching! Craig really can't figure out what she's so pissed about... he was ready to high-five Austin when he heard about it! LOL Don't get me wrong... I understand why she's pissed, but Jesus H Christ, I don't know a single man (including my own father) who wouldn't have wanted to watch. Now, maybe it was the "licking her thighs) thing that crossed the line, but good God, what is a boy supposed to do at college? haha

Anyway, people are trying to get him to either give them his ADD meds or sell it to them. I'd like to think that he wouldn't do it, but I'm worried. We're gonna have a little talk tomorrow. After I deal with my freakin' daughter.

She told me she was going to be in a certain place tonight and she actually was in another place... with someone that she KNOWS I don't want her around. And she lied about it. (Pretty stupid considering our town has all of 5thousand people in it. Everybody knows everybody else's business around here and that's how I like it. 15 minutes from "the city" but basically in the sticks as far as the rumor mill goes. Know what I mean?) So, I stop her in the middle of her lies and tell her in a very calm manner (calm scares my kids because they know that means I'm REALLY pissed!) that if she even starts to say a single word that is a lie I will beat her senseless and I'd do it in front of her friend that is spending the night (and in on the lies, I might add). Oddly enough, she decided that was the appropriate time to "come clean"... as if I hadn't already figured the whole thing out.

So now I'm sitting here, pissed off at them for being kids and doing stupid things so then I end up pissed off at myself for being pissed of at them being kids. Jesus, I need a shrink. or medication. Wait, no meds. I'm tired of pills. Maybe just a shrink to put a few dirty thoughts in my brain that my lovely hubby would enjoy. Poor guy. (that's another story for another time)

Okay, back to Austin and Amanda the lesbians... he knows he fucked up but he's a cute guy so he's getting hit on and enjoying it. He and Amanda had been together for almost 3 years, so maybe it was just time. Here is a pic of him from about 4 months ago

I know none of this is serious... yet. But it certainly has the potential to GET serious and I just don't know how I want to handle it. I'm sooooooo disappointed. Fucking kids. I love the shit out of 'em, but they're driving me crazy! I guess I'm payin for my raising.

God Damnit, Johnny Depp is so fucking hot. I just bawled my eyes out watching Finding Neverland.

Posted by at 6:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

10-21-05 1:45am

Not sure why I'm awake. I was sound asleep, and next thing I knew my eyes were wide open and sleep is nowhere to be found. I had the surgery on my hand two weeks ago and it seems to be healing well. I've got alot more movement and am able to make a fist now, so I'm pretty happy about that.

Austin is doing well in college and tonight he competed in the "Beauty and the Beast" pageant. Each dorm had to pick one guy that would be sent over to the corresponding female's dorm and they would dress them up as women while the girls had to dress like a man. Austin got fourth, so he was happy. That type of thing is right up his alley... anything, or any reason to hang out with chicks.

Tomorrow night is Ryan's final volleyball game, and I hate to admit it but I can't wait. This season has been torture. They suck beyond reason. Starting Monday she'll be in basketball and I'll be happy as hell about that. We have to spend several days in Austin in two weeks for their school tournament, but that's a fun one and we'll probably go ahead and tour UT while we're there. She's getting college letters by the truckload here lately... Kansas State is hitting her pretty hard. I think they've sent about 7 letters. They've also been contacting her coaches. I'm hoping that she just keeps on showing what she's got, because if she wants to play college ball she's got to stay with it and practice hard.

Sometimes I worry about what she's putting her body through and how much of this she really wants. We're constantly asking her if she'd like to back off a little or talking to her about over doing it. She plays competitive sports year round. Top that off with the fact that she's 6 '2 and is a VERY picky eater, and that leaves the door open for stress fractures (already had to have surgery on her foot for that). She also has scoliosis. Not bad... not even anything that you would notice unless you could see her entire spine when she bends over to touch her toes. But still, it just leads to other trouble. I've decided I'm going to get her in to see a nutrionist. Our medical insurance doesn't pay for it, but I really think that's the best way to help her protect her body. She loves fruit but doesn't eat much meat at all. A little chicken and an occasional bit of steak or hamburger, but that's it.

Kyra is driving me nuts. I don't know how else to put it. I'm rying to be understanding because I really think she's acting out because her mom is getting married in two weeks. She hasn't seen her since March when Laura (her mom) told us that she was looking for a counselor for Kyra that had experience in dealing with divorce/teenage issues... that kind of crap. But when she told Craig that I couldn't believe it. I mean, don't MOST counselors do that stuff? It surely doesn't take 8 months to find one! It's just not important to Laura, and that's the long and short of it. BUT... to be fair, Kyra hasn't been a kid that is fun to be around. She's hateful, spiteful, mean spirited... but it's all coming from the hurt feelings she has. But none of us can figure her out or why she's feeling the way she does. She was in counseling for a long time and the counselor finally told us that the counseling wouldn't do any good until Kyra was ready to actually do the "work". She frustrates me to no end and there are days that I am angry just looking at her because of the stress this is putting on Craig. He is mortified that his child is acting this way, but I try telling him that it's just her age- and all the other bullshit in her life.
I'd give just about anything to make her happy but right now she doesn't want to be happy or she'd do something about it. Of course, along with the CP she has OCD so that contributes to the problem. Hopefully, it will settle down soon.

She got a bad grade in keyboarding class on her progress report and I was really unhappy about that. She has cerebral palsy, though it's quite mild in her. But still, the left side of her body resembles someone who has had a stroke therefor it doesn't work too well, making keyboarding difficult for her. We asked the teacher to contact us and she explained that she figures Kyra's grade by taking the number of keystrokes and doubling it, which seems fair enough. The problem came up when she entered a grade as a "7" instead of an "87" so it made her grade quite low. It's been rectified and it was really nice to hear from a teacher who isn't expecting her to work like the other students while still setting some expectations of her. I can't stand people who just find it easier to do it for her instead of teaching her to do things herself. Certainly there are things that she just won't be able to do, but she HAS to try. That's all I ask. Just try, and if you can't do it then I'll help you. Sadly, she freely admits to preferring that people just wait on her hand and foot, but I guess we all like that sometimes.
Craig is going to take off work and go to the Austin bsketball tournament with me. I guess that means we'll take Kyra, but I'd rather see if we can find someone for her to stay with while we're gone so that she doesn't miss school. The tournament starts on a Tuesday so it would basically mean her missing amolst a week of school. Not sure I like that, but maybe we can get her work done ahead of time. Here is a picture of Ryan warming up before a game. She's right in the middle of the net... look how freakin' high she jumps!! Sheesh, she's 6 '2 BEFORE she jumps!

Well, I finally did it. When I went to see my pain doc on Tuesday I told him that I was ready to get off all my meds. We started with the muscle relaxers and lowered my dose to half of what it was before. Next month, we'll either half it again or take it all away, depending on how I handle it. So far, no withdrawals but that doesn't really surprise me because I didn't even have a headache when I came off of Oxycontin after three years. The neruontin, of all things, is what scares me the most. I get this HORRIBLE tingling feeling in my arms and legs any time we've tried to get off that. the symptoms are similar to restless leg syndrome and that's the only way I know how to describe it. It's awful, and you feel like you HAVE to move. I also take Doxepin, which is an antidepressant but it was given to me to help me sleep. Those two will be the last ones I come off of, but I have made up my mind that this is it. I've said it before, but this time it's real. I'm going to do this... I know I can. Strangely enough, it's not the narcotics that scare me to be without. It's that damn neurontin and doxepin. If I can't sleep I turn into a raging bitch and that tingling is far worse than any pain I've ever dealt with. I'm scared, but I'm tried of being tied to a pill bottle. By January, I'll be free and I'm proud of myself for being able to say that.

Something just dawned on me. I said, "... I'm proud of myself..." and I don't think I've ever said that or even thought it. Why is that? Shouldn't we always be proud of ourselves? Or if we're not, shouldn't we change our behavior? I'm going to have to think about this one.

Lastly, I'm going to do what I have fought my whole life. I'm going to take the medicine for Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. I've fought it for years because it seems silly, but it's time to face it and deal with it. I was diagnosed at the same time AUstin was (12 years ago) but I've never taken the meds for it. I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday and it's time. It's time for me to make the changes in my life... and I'm actually excited. kdgr

Posted by at 2:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

10-7-05 12:21am

My hand fucking hurts! Not as bad as the first surgery, but it hurts. I've got to be careful with these pain meds... take them when it hurts, don't wait too long or it takes alot to dull the pain. So I'm going to make sure that no matter how many pills I take each day, I will take one less each day after that, every day.

Austin is coming home today, but he's only coming home for some winter clothes because one of his friends is going to spend the weekend with him and go to all the frat parties.

Craig's boss found out how much I love NASCAR and he got us two passes to the Pheonix race. He didn't say "tickets." He said "passes" whi h should entitle us to go into the garage. I'm a writer for www.teamdei.net so I'm hoping I can use this time to ask the drivers some questions. Anyway, I'm excited about it and want the details NOW! LOL

Gotta go to bed. Drugs kickin in. kdgr

Posted by at 1:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

10-4-05 5:15pm

I'm done with all my errands. Got my nails done. It had been over three weeks since I'd gotten them filled so it was long past time. I also had my eyebrows waxed so I'm feeling a little "red". I hate that, but it beats the shit out of tweezing. I've never been really hairy so it's not like anyone would know it but me, but still...

I also went to the drugstore to get some refills and to buy my favorite lotion and body spray. I am a lotion FREAK but this is my favorite overall. The best lotion as far as moisture goes is Clinique's "Body Butter". You will NOT find a better lotion, as far as I'm concerned. But my favorite overall (scent and moisture) is from the Healing Garden's zzzz therapy line. It's called Silk Pajamas and it's downright devine! The body spray is the perfect scent to spray on your pillows at night. It provides a perfect, soft, scent that is comforting and not at all overpowering, considering you're going to sleep. I use it during the day if I'm just out running around and don't want to waste perfume, because God KNOWS my perfume isn't that cheap (I wear Mackie and Ralph Lauren's Romance)

But best of all, I got Cinderella on DVD. It just came out today and Ryan (my 16, yes 16 year old daughter) HAD to have it. Of course, it was put to me as the "perfect get well gift" for having surgery tomorrow. yeah, right. Still, I'm certain we'll laze about the house over the next few days watching Disney dvd after Disney dvd. She is a Disney fanatic, and I love that about her. I can still see her as a 4 year old, dancing in front of the tv with Cinderella singing "A dream is a wish your heart makes..." just like it was yesterday. I guarantee you, she could win ANY challenge about Disney trivia or Disney music. She knows every word of every song and every character in every single movie. Not just the big name ones. My absolute favorite memory of her is the first time she watched "The Rescuers". We were sitting in the living room and it was during the scene where Penny was petting Rufus the cat and she was crying and saying (Ryan can still quote it!) "It was 'doption day at the orphanage. A mommy and daddy came and smiled at me, but they choosed (yes, she said choosed!) a little boy instead!" The scene is heartbreaking and when she starts crying, wondering if any parents will ever love her, it noticed that Ryan's eyes had filled with tears. She came running over to me and cried for several minutes... then went back to being totally "into" the movie.

ALright.. now I'm gonna cry. Forget I said anything!

So tomorrow, I'm going to have my 16th surgery. Jesus, I really hope this is it for me. When I was in nursing school, they told us that the chances for something happening while under anesthesia are 1 in 13, so I think I've tested the Gods more than I ever should have. Because I've been on pain medicine for my back for almost 5 years, it means some really bad things for me tomorrow and the next few days. You see, when you take pain medication of any length of time that is not short term, your body adjusts to it and lowers your pain tolerance so it will take higher doses of pain medicine than normal to help control the pain. And make no mistake about it, this WILL be painful. I'm having a synovectomy. They will make a 4 inch incision on the back of my hand and peel back the layers of my joint. He will, under general anesthesia thank God, force the joint to work by first scraping off the little pebbles that have been building up in the cartilige, and then forcing the joint all the way down by pushing my pinky finger as far as it will go into the palm of my hand. Before badly breaking the metacarpal last year and requiring the placing of a pin, my fingers could all be forced to lay flat in my palm. I'm not expecting that to be the case anymore because I've noticed more and more that my hands are succombing to arthritis from too many years as a gymnast. In fact, none of my other sports cause nearly the damage to my bones as gymnastics. My back, even before I injured it in a fall. But my hands and feet are, by far, worse than any other part of my body. Anyway, let this be a lesson to anyone who reads this. Don't take pain meds longer than you ABSOLUTELY need to. Yes, my back still hurts but the truth is that it hurts even when I take the medicine so it's sort of pointless, and I should have stopped a long time ago.

Austin called me a few minutes ago to tell me that he and Amanda decided to go ahead and break up... just be friends. He said they went to lunch and laughed and cut up like normal, but she decided to move on. I asked him how he was taking it and he said, "I'm alright. At least she still wants to be friends." So I guess he's ok. I told him the quickest way to get her back would be to NOT call her and be a puppy dog, but rather to be friendly to her when he sees her and not keep himself hidden in his dorm. There is another girl at Tarleton from his highschool. She's on a basketball scholarship and has a math class with him. They sort of "flirted" with eachother a couple of years ago when my daughter played on her dad's basketball team and we traveled to Arizona for the National tournament. So he's gonna go sit by her tomorrow and see what happens. I'm not sure if she's with her same boyfriend or not.

What's your advice? What's the best way for him to move forward? Should he wait for Amanda or go ahead and see what's out there? I've encouraged the latter, but I also told him to make sure that he doesn't do anything he'll regret... like sleeping with some girl just to make Amanda jealous and then hurt this girl if they get back together. Ya know? On that note, I think I'll post a picture of him again... just cuz I think he's adorable. I miss him being here at times like this, when I think he's hurting and I'm not there to baby him, but I'm sure its better this way. He's really growing up and I'm awfully proud of him! kdgr

Posted by at 5:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

10-03-05 1:32am

Craig and I just finished sitting and talking with Austin and Amanda and I can't help but feel very proud at how "adult" they're being.

They broke up last week because Austin came clean about an incident he was involved in at a party two weeks ago where he sort of got involved with two girls that were making out. One of them saw he had a tongue ring and grabbed his shirt and kissed him. He didn't stop her... in fact, he licked the thigh of the other girl. He might have been ok except that someone there was videotaping it and the room was FULL of guys watching. So he told her about it Wednesday and they broke up. They both came to town this weekend but Amanda did her own thing and so did Austin, but they both wanted to come and talk to us. I can't even begin to tell you how, as a parent, it feels when your kid voluntarily comes to you about ANYthing.

So we talked it out and Amanda is hurt. I explained that to me it isn't a big deal (afterall, I'm the wife that buys Playboy for my husband) But it doesn't matter who agrees with her and who doesn't, if Austin's actions hurt her he has to take ownership of those actions (he does) and decide if their relationship is worth giving up things like that in order to avoid hurting her. He said he'd do anything to make things work with her. I was proud of him in that moment because he really took responsibility for what he did and didn't make excuses for one second of it.

We all talked for about 3 hours and they decided to go get something to eat. Austin got drunk last night at a friend's house (he called to tell me that he was going to drink but he'd given his keys to Eric's girlfriend who doesn't drink... and assured me that if he wanted to come home he'd call and not attempt to drive) so he had puked much of the night. He was hungry and decided to attempt eating, then they were going to drive back to Stephenville tonight. I told them that's silly to try so they decided to go eat, then come back here and do their math homework and drive back before class in the morning.

Amanda thought I'd be mad at her for breaking up with Austin, and that I'd make her give back the cell phone we got her (we put a phone for her on our account. It's cheaper that way since they spent so much time on the phone and we could then give them free cell to cell) but I told her that no matter what type of relationship they had she would always be considered one of "mine" and always welcome in our home. The phone wasn't contingent on them dating, so I won't change that. I mean, I guess at some point it WOULD change, but it wouldn't be just because they broke up.

So I sit here, giddy as a school girl because my son is really growin up. A great way to end the weekend! Night night! kdgr

Posted by at 1:42 AM | Permalink

10-1-05 9:55pm

Well, I actually stayed home today from Ryan's second game and now I regret it. She played an early afternoon game with her highschool team that is a tournament over at Nolan Catholic School and then she was supposed to go and play at least one game with DFW Elite, who is in an NCAA sanctioned tournament at SMU. Craig just called me a few minutes ago to tell me about all the college coaches that were there and once again Jody Conrad walked into the gym and sat down to watch the game that Ryan was playing in. Who knows who she was there to see, but I'll take it regardless.
Her first game today she did very well, and was second highest scorer. She misses 3 of her free throws though, and that can't happen in the season. They've got 3 more weeks of volleyball before she can actually start working out with the school basketball team, and I'm really looking forward to that.

Well, the saga continues with my family. Austin is in town this weekend and my mother decided that she would follow him around Crowley, presumably to "talk" to him. He had to make four quick turns to lose her and after he did, he called me. Craig called my parents house and left a message asking them to please not do that. My dad called Craig and told him not to ever call, leave a message, send an email or letter or ever step foot on their property. That pretty much pissed me off so I picked up the phone to call, and when my mother answered I asked for my Dad. She actually told me that I couldn't talk to him. Instead of arguing, which is what I would normally do, I just said "ok" and hung up.

Not long after we got home from Ryan's first game, my home phone rang and my mother said, "You obviously have something you need to say to me.... so what is it?" I just kind of sat there for a second and then I just told her that I had nothing to say. I've gotten it all out with the exception of what has happened to Craig and that she needed to take ownership of that. She told me in no uncertain terms that she would NOT take ownership of anything regarding Craig. I told her then that I guess we DO need to talk, at which point she told me to come over, but by myself. I was there less than 3 minutes later and strangely enough she wasn't there. I walked in and my dad came in from the back of the house and told me to go out on the porch. So he and I were out there for maybe 4 or 5 minutes before mom got back (I think she went to buy a pack of smokes... blech) and he asked me what was wrong. I told him I thought the whole thing was pointless because I was willing to bet that my mother would NOT be honest. About that time, she walked out there and I could tell just from her posture that she was ready for a battle. Not a fight. An all out war.

So she told me to start talking. I took a deep breath and told Dad that I was only angry with the situation with Austin and the one with Craig. My mother said that she wouldn't take any blame for the situation with Craig. I just ignored her and told my dad that it is ridiculous that Craig is being treated that way all because he said that mom was lying. I then looked my mother right in the eyes and said, "You've sat at my house and lied to Dad on numerous occassions for 5 years." She looked puzzled and said, "Bullshit. What the fuck have I lied about?" (Yes, my mother said FUCK) I decided right then and there to unload the biggest secret about my mother that I had. Craig knows it. My brother knows it and my sister knows it. It's nothing major, but she still lied and I had proof, and even told him where to find the proof.

My mother flipped her fucking lid like I've never seen. She was screaming at me to get off her property or she'd call the cops. She called me every name under the sun, but I just ignored her and looked at my dad. I could tell by the look on his face that he knew I wasn't lying. Especially when I told him to call my brother if he doubted me. My mother lunged at me and tried to put both her hands around my neck but only succeeded in getting one on me, then when my dad pulled her away, she scratched my neck. She was screaming that she was going to call CPS, the police... anyone she could think of just to cause trouble for me. I just walked away saying, "You're fucking crazy!" She told me, and I quote, "You and your fucking family... including your fucking kids can all go to hell!" My dad told her to stop it but she was so far out of control that I don't think a bottle of xanax would calm her down.

My dad was looking at her with this look on his face that let me know he believed me. I had too many details to be lying OR wrong. She was still screaming, and grabbed my purse that was sitting on the floor the walked through the house to the garage so that she could throw it out on the driveway... wooooo. So then she came back in and resumed screaming that if I didn't leave she'd call the police. My dad said I should probably go, so I got up and went to the door. My mom was STILL screaming and lunged at me. My dad was between us but because I didn't move or dodge it, she got one hand around my neck and scratched me as my dad pulled her away. That pissed me off to no end, so I turned around to face her. I guess at that point I wanted her to hit me, though there is nothing on this planet that would allow me to hit my mom. I finally just left... but could still hear her screaming about what a bitch I am .. blah blah blah. Who cares?

So as I'm driving off I called my brother to tell him that I'd brought him into it. I'm not proud of that, but I did it and wanted to at least give him a heads up on it so he wouldn't get blindsided. He told me that he'd own up to dad about what he'd done, but he wouldn't tell dad about mom. I told him that I was sick of his double standards and had no respect at all for him. I said that my husband was basically excominicated from this family because he pointed out that my mother lied and my husband is having to pay the price for pointing that lie out. All because my mother isn't honest. And that's bullshit. But ya know what? I haven't shed a tear. This time I dealt with the stress much better than before. I didn't jump in there looking for a fight but by the same token, I certainly knew my revelation would cause a stink. I'm not a supporter of people who try to interfere in other people's marriage, but I felt that my husband's intergrity was impugned and it was done so in order that she didn't have to take responsibility for the lies she told.

I have no idea where the peices will fall, but I won't regret my words. My husband is all about personal integrity and is the man whose sense of right and wrong will often force him to go back to a store and pay for for something if he looks at the receipt and sees that he didn't get charged for something. He doesn't lie. He doesn't cheat. And he doesn't steal. Top that off with the fact that he is a Mason and that should tell you all that you need to know about my husband. Ironically, my dad is the exact same way (and also a Mason). His only weak spot is my mom and I hate it that I was the one to offer up proof that his trust in her was misplaced... I really hate that. kdgr

Posted by at 11:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)