KG's Hideaway

I'm sitting in my room alone tonight. Actually, that's not true. Ryan's in here but she's asleep. I miss Craig being in our bed, but right now he has to sleep sort of sitting up because of his surgery so for the last week (since his surgery) he's slept in the recliner so that he can breath ok. It's really hard on him, but he's really fighting hard. Ryan is tossing around in my bed and getting her legs twisted in my blanket. Still, it's quiet in here and it's dark with only the light from the monitor and one small candle to light the room. It's the first peaceful moment I've felt in the last 48hours. In almost exactly 48hours. I keep coming back to the fact that I want Craig back in here. Nothing really feels right when he's not, but hopefully it will only be another few nights.

Craig is an emotional rock. He's the anchor in a scary, stormy sea of swirling black water that is threating to pull our family under. I am forever greatful to God for sending this man to me when I've done nothing in my life to deserve him. Our kids deserve him, but I don't. I guess God throws some of us a life raft when he'd probably originally meant to let us drown.

Right now is a tough time for us. Not for Craig and I in our marriage (thank God!!) but for our family. We're experiencing something that is terribly frightening and if I can get through the next several months without killing myself or Craig because of the stress I'm under then I think we'll be able to survive anything.

In church not too long ago the minister talked about how we all go to bed at night and say our prayers and ask God for the things we need, but rarely do we go to bed and thank God for the blessings in life. During a very dark moment this week, at the lowest and scariest point I can ever remember in my life, I stopped to thank God for the blessings in my life instead of asking for anything else. Maybe my cup had just "runneth over" too soon in my life and it's finally just time to pay the piper... I don't know. I just know that I've got a fight on my hands.

If it's not too much to ask, and if you believe in a higher power... any higher power at all... whomever your God is, I'd like to ask that you keep us in your prayers for a while. We could really use them. It's not anything like my marriage is on the line or anything, but we're facing a tough issue and we could use all the prayers we can get. I guess we all can, huh?

Today is my 7th wedding anniversary. 9-9-99 was the day we were married. It was a Thursday, if you can believe that Craig picked this day to get married because he said he couldn't ever forget it. It also went well with my birthday (10-10) and he said that's just too good to pass up. Uhhhh, ok... Sure. Whatever you say. Just show up there buddy. Don't crap out on me, then blame it on something else!! Especially with an easy date like that! Really, who gets married on a Thursday unless you're in Vegas?

In the past we've both bought each other some fairly extravagant gifts for anniversaries, birthdays and Christmases. We have spent several thousand dollars on the remodeling job for the master bed/bath; A couple thousand more than we'd planned and that's more than enough for a gift. So I'm writing him a letter about the 8 years we've spent together because I think it's sort of gift. Not exactly unique, but at least he'll know that some thought went into it. God, how I love that man. I hope everyone else is a lucky as I feel!

I guess I don't really know the point of this post. These two things have nothing to do with eachother except that I KNOW I could never deal with one issue if I didn't have the other one to support me. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Indian giver. LOL. Watch out for lightening cuz I'm pretty sure it's headed my way. haha

Ciao!!