KG's Hideaway

10-4-05 5:15pm

I'm done with all my errands. Got my nails done. It had been over three weeks since I'd gotten them filled so it was long past time. I also had my eyebrows waxed so I'm feeling a little "red". I hate that, but it beats the shit out of tweezing. I've never been really hairy so it's not like anyone would know it but me, but still...

I also went to the drugstore to get some refills and to buy my favorite lotion and body spray. I am a lotion FREAK but this is my favorite overall. The best lotion as far as moisture goes is Clinique's "Body Butter". You will NOT find a better lotion, as far as I'm concerned. But my favorite overall (scent and moisture) is from the Healing Garden's zzzz therapy line. It's called Silk Pajamas and it's downright devine! The body spray is the perfect scent to spray on your pillows at night. It provides a perfect, soft, scent that is comforting and not at all overpowering, considering you're going to sleep. I use it during the day if I'm just out running around and don't want to waste perfume, because God KNOWS my perfume isn't that cheap (I wear Mackie and Ralph Lauren's Romance)

But best of all, I got Cinderella on DVD. It just came out today and Ryan (my 16, yes 16 year old daughter) HAD to have it. Of course, it was put to me as the "perfect get well gift" for having surgery tomorrow. yeah, right. Still, I'm certain we'll laze about the house over the next few days watching Disney dvd after Disney dvd. She is a Disney fanatic, and I love that about her. I can still see her as a 4 year old, dancing in front of the tv with Cinderella singing "A dream is a wish your heart makes..." just like it was yesterday. I guarantee you, she could win ANY challenge about Disney trivia or Disney music. She knows every word of every song and every character in every single movie. Not just the big name ones. My absolute favorite memory of her is the first time she watched "The Rescuers". We were sitting in the living room and it was during the scene where Penny was petting Rufus the cat and she was crying and saying (Ryan can still quote it!) "It was 'doption day at the orphanage. A mommy and daddy came and smiled at me, but they choosed (yes, she said choosed!) a little boy instead!" The scene is heartbreaking and when she starts crying, wondering if any parents will ever love her, it noticed that Ryan's eyes had filled with tears. She came running over to me and cried for several minutes... then went back to being totally "into" the movie.

ALright.. now I'm gonna cry. Forget I said anything!

So tomorrow, I'm going to have my 16th surgery. Jesus, I really hope this is it for me. When I was in nursing school, they told us that the chances for something happening while under anesthesia are 1 in 13, so I think I've tested the Gods more than I ever should have. Because I've been on pain medicine for my back for almost 5 years, it means some really bad things for me tomorrow and the next few days. You see, when you take pain medication of any length of time that is not short term, your body adjusts to it and lowers your pain tolerance so it will take higher doses of pain medicine than normal to help control the pain. And make no mistake about it, this WILL be painful. I'm having a synovectomy. They will make a 4 inch incision on the back of my hand and peel back the layers of my joint. He will, under general anesthesia thank God, force the joint to work by first scraping off the little pebbles that have been building up in the cartilige, and then forcing the joint all the way down by pushing my pinky finger as far as it will go into the palm of my hand. Before badly breaking the metacarpal last year and requiring the placing of a pin, my fingers could all be forced to lay flat in my palm. I'm not expecting that to be the case anymore because I've noticed more and more that my hands are succombing to arthritis from too many years as a gymnast. In fact, none of my other sports cause nearly the damage to my bones as gymnastics. My back, even before I injured it in a fall. But my hands and feet are, by far, worse than any other part of my body. Anyway, let this be a lesson to anyone who reads this. Don't take pain meds longer than you ABSOLUTELY need to. Yes, my back still hurts but the truth is that it hurts even when I take the medicine so it's sort of pointless, and I should have stopped a long time ago.

Austin called me a few minutes ago to tell me that he and Amanda decided to go ahead and break up... just be friends. He said they went to lunch and laughed and cut up like normal, but she decided to move on. I asked him how he was taking it and he said, "I'm alright. At least she still wants to be friends." So I guess he's ok. I told him the quickest way to get her back would be to NOT call her and be a puppy dog, but rather to be friendly to her when he sees her and not keep himself hidden in his dorm. There is another girl at Tarleton from his highschool. She's on a basketball scholarship and has a math class with him. They sort of "flirted" with eachother a couple of years ago when my daughter played on her dad's basketball team and we traveled to Arizona for the National tournament. So he's gonna go sit by her tomorrow and see what happens. I'm not sure if she's with her same boyfriend or not.

What's your advice? What's the best way for him to move forward? Should he wait for Amanda or go ahead and see what's out there? I've encouraged the latter, but I also told him to make sure that he doesn't do anything he'll regret... like sleeping with some girl just to make Amanda jealous and then hurt this girl if they get back together. Ya know? On that note, I think I'll post a picture of him again... just cuz I think he's adorable. I miss him being here at times like this, when I think he's hurting and I'm not there to baby him, but I'm sure its better this way. He's really growing up and I'm awfully proud of him! kdgr